Attachments

Chapter 39

At 04.50 a.m., I strolled back to the campsite, when the cold in the air turned intolerably chilly. Stepping on dead leaves and kicking away small stones on my way, I walked back and fidgeted with the blanket wrapped around my body. The campsite was empty and motionless; not even a leaf moved, nor did a sound emerge. The campfire still powerlessly burnt and the bright orange flame aimlessly swayed to its sides. Glasses filled with champagne gathered around the fire, and the champagne bottle stood tall midst the glasses; it was supposed to be a night filled with laughter and lightness, but everything fell apart.

With her back facing me, Vaish sat cross-legged in front of the still lake and stared at the nothingness before her; she was as frozen as the surrounding. Maybe I was overthinking, but Vaish radiated loneliness and pain, and I didn't want to leave her alone that morning...even after the argument with her; nothing was a big deal before her. I honestly felt the urge to gobble her into a bone-crushing hug and apologize for everything that went wrong between us, even when I had no idea where I went wrong. But my feet were glued to the ground, my eyes were fixed on her and I couldn't move an inch. Deliberately, I dragged a loud breath in and cleared my throat, disturbing Vaish's stillness; slowly, she turned her head to the side and her puffy, red eyes pleadingly looked at me for a moment, before she hesitantly looked down at the grassy ground. I thought she'd storm away, or rudely snap at me, but she didn't move from her place; believing that it was a signal, I staggered my way towards the lake in the cold. Cross-legged, I sat down on the damp, hard ground beside Vaish and studied the early morning sky with her; tinges of a deep shade of blue eliminated the pitch blackness on the canvas-like sky, and puffy white clouds hovered in slow motion, concealing the full-moon.

Moments later, I picked up a small stone from the ground and threw it into the lake, watching its long flight in the air before I dropped into the lake with a loud 'blob', forcing the water to ripple. "I'll show you something", softly, I told Vaish, when something struck me, and I fetched yet another stone from the ground. "You're the lake and the stone's the problem between us", I explained, before throwing the stone into the water, again, and a sound echoed, loudly. "When the stone – that is, the problem – hits you, the lake, it creates a disturbance, I understand...", I pointed at the rapid ripples that formed in the lake, and waited for it to slow down. "...but it also settles down, Vaish", I whispered, once the lake turned as still as ice, again. "As long as you keep throwing stones in the lake, the disturbance is an on-going process. But the second you stop, the disturbance ceases. Do you understand?", I questioned and she turned to look at me. "You need to stop holding on to stop hurting. Nothing has gone too wrong between us, I know, and you'll understand it the second you quit running the scenes in your head. I don't know what you're holding onto that you turned this cold towards me. I don't know what I did to you to deserve the bitter treatment, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for...whatever I put you through. I'm sorry I lied to you about Darshan; I should have simply blurted out the truth...", I apologized and Vaish cut me off with a sigh. "When will you understand that this is not about Darshan?", Vaish exhaled in annoyance. "Then, what is it about?", I questioned in desperation and she looked away, licking her lower lip. "I don't know", she confessed, seconds later.

"I don't know", she repeated, with her eyes shut, and took a deep breath in. "That morning when we fought in the kitchen, I reacted on the spot; I was impulsive. I said things in the heat of the moment and everything piled up; the fact that Nash was leaving but never told us and the break-up she didn't open up about. We were always the friends who'd talk through our routines, happiness and heartbreaks, and all of a sudden; we were hiding things from each other. That had been bothering me for months, and that morning, I couldn't take it anymore. We were changing and I didn't have the strength to witness that change; I had enough betrayals in friendship, I couldn't bear another one and I walked off. It felt like the right thing to do, because I felt that you were happy with each other and I was isolated. I felt unwanted", Vaish took a pause to breathe. "Changes are a happening part of life, Vaish; not all changes mark the end of relationships. Sometimes, life happens and it keeps us on the tip of our toes; we lose time, and get caught up but we don't change. Had we sat down for a cup of coffee together, despite the hectic schedule all of us ran behind, we would have still connected the same way because some relationships don't change. It's in your head that you're unwanted and unloved", I told her. "And it's in your head that this whole thing is about Darshan. I was holding my breath for too long, fearing that all of you would leave me alone, and that morning, Darshan was a mere excuse for me to vent it out. All I wanted to say was, we should trust each other with our happiness and sorrows a little more strongly, but...it turned out wrong. I wasn't hurt because you shared a personal connection with Darshan; I was hurt because I thought you hid the truth because you didn't trust me. You're one of the most special people in my life, and the thought of you not trusting me was something I couldn't bear...but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being the sack of insecurities I am. Maybe, I was too scared to lose you; I ended up ruining things in process of protecting the bond we share. I'm sorry. I didn't have the nerve to confront you, after ruining everything. There hasn't been a day since our fight when I didn't regret that outburst, I hated myself for it and I still do. I wanted to come back to you, and say my sorry; but I thought you would have moved on and grown sick of me. I'm sorry for everything, Dia", her voice toned down into a guilty hush. "Don't be stupid", I nudged her, and she smiled, weakly. "And about Darshan dating me...I understand that the world is stupid, but what's wrong with you? How you even think of that? Yes, I love him and idolize him...but that's a world different from how you love him. There's a fine line that separates your love from mine, Dia. I cannot even imagine being his partner, dude! I'll fight for him, I'll go against the world for him, I'll protect him...but only you can love him and keep him safe. You're the only person who can keep him sane and alive", Vaish stated with confidence, as though she was stating facts. She shifted towards me, and hugged me tight from the side, keeping her chin on my shoulder. "Darshan Raval is all yours, go get him", Vaish whispered in my ear, making me smile. "And he's always going to be yours, because you make him happy in a way like no other...he's very inexpressive, but trust me, he's all praises and full of love when he talks about you. Keep him safe; he's precious and fragile", Vaish said, and I listened on. "He cried all night, until he fell asleep in the tent, because you stranded him", Vaish revealed. "For real?", my jaw dropped, and she chuckled, nodding in agreement. "He is so mature with his thoughts and the way he carries himself, but deep inside, he is a kid; one of the most sensitive kids I've met. When I was his fan, I always thought he was an extremely strong and unbreakable man, who wouldn't cry at all because he's always smiling. But everything changed the day I began working with him; he's so reserved, calm, quiet...", Vaish spoke, and I cut her off in between. "And boring!", I rolled my eyes, she laughed. "...boring and emotionally weak; it's rare, it is beautiful and I think you're blessed", Vaish completed her sentence. "But don't you think he's super blessed he's about to date me?", I smirked, confidently, and Vaish sighed, dramatically. "God, I missed you, stupid!", Vaish squeaked and squished me into a hug. "I miss Nash and Chanch, too", her voice dropped. "Do you talk to them?", I turned to look at Vaish, who rested the side of her head on my shoulder. "We don't talk, talk; we randomly hit each other up, questioning about each other's well-being. Nash and I hardly talk, though; she moved to Australia and I tried texting her, but the situation was awkward; I ended the conversation with an excuse. Nothing's the same anymore, thanks to my stupidity", Vaish sighed. "Nothing's the same because no one has exactly made an upfront attempt to settle the situation between us. Darshan said that nothing has gone too wrong between us; all of us are simply being egoistic...or awkward. One of us has to get down and apologize, and everything will be okay. The solution doesn't even lie in an apology; all you have to do is, make an initiative and start a conversation. We'll be okay", I comforted. "You said it and I'll do it!", Vaish said, and I looked on, expectantly.