He is not Here!

And.... He left

Today is just the same as every other day has been the past few months. Sitting alone in my room, thinking about Rihaan, staring out of the window. Nothing is unusual, but Im feeling extremely sad because Im missing him too much. Remembering the days when I used to sit behind him on his bike and going on a ride makes me vulnerable. Sometimes I laugh at my misery and sometimes I simply cry. There arent many days left for exams and the end of my last year at school. Bhav and Sara had helped enough with my assignments and thanks to them I have submitted all my work in time. I was hoping that I would see Rihaan someday and just the thought of seeing him holds a light of happiness. I am grateful for everyone who had stood beside me in my hard times, but I also know that no one can replace him in my heart. My chain of thoughts broke when I heard a knock on my door.

Come in. I said and saw Sara making her way beside me.

I was just thinking about you. I told her with a pale smile on my face.

I doubt that, because you never even bother to talk to me. She said sarcastically and we laughed.

She kept her phone beside me on the table and we sat there in silence looking at each other. Moments later I broke into tears, she stood next to me in shock and shook me asking what happened. I hugged her and cried as hard as I could. She kept asking me what happened but I wasnt able to speak. Minutes later I held back my tears and spoke to her.

I miss him, I miss him so much. I told her, my eyes were filled with tears.

Its alright, but hes gone now. You should move on. She said, holding my chin up to her face.

He left me Sara. He left me like this. I was going to tell him how much he meant to me, how much I loved him but he left me. I told her, still holding back my tears. She is holding my hand, uncertain of what to say next.

I didnt even got to express my feelings before he left. I just wanted him to listen to me for once, was it too much to ask? I sobbed with every word I spoke. She hugged me tight and assured me that I am going to be fine, but I knew it is not happening if hes not around. Eventually, she calmed me and sat next to me until I fell asleep.

Its been a few days now that I havent left my room. I am sitting on my usual spot, near the window. Normally, Sara arrives from school at the same time, but today she was late. I saw her coming directly at my house. Moments later, mom, dad and Sara came to my room. I am looking at them in confusion, all of them have a hint of distress on their face. Dad came near me and put his empathizing hand on my shoulder. I am still confused, until he spoke.

I know I havent been around too much, but I care for you as much as your mom do. You know that right? He said and looked at me expectantly. I smiled and nodded, then he continued.

Rihaan was always a good guy and I like him very much. I never knew he would make such an impact on your life and I cant see you like this now. I know you are angry and confused because he left. But when you will know the reason, I would respect your every decision. He told me politely, cupping my cheek with his hands.

Why are you talking about him when you know he is not here? I said furiously

Im still confused, whats happening, they all are acting weird. I looked at Sara and she gave me a huge assuring smile. Then mom came ahead and handed me a paper. She kissed me on the forehead and said that shes always with me. I opened the paper and I just froze, those were Rihaans handwriting. I sat still for a minute before reading it.

Hi Niv,

I know its not a very good time to say this but you look really beautiful when you smile. Ive always liked to see you smile and I will always want to make you smile. I left because I thought that would be best for you. The way you ran when you saw your dad, made me think that I was the reason of your sadness. I thought that it was because of me that you were away from your dad for so many years. And thinking of all that left me with just one possible way to see you smile again, which was to stay away from you and your life, and not to drag you in any more trouble. But that turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life, I left you when you needed me the most. And Im extremely sorry for what I have done. I never meant to hurt you, but I know Ive hurt you the most. When I listened your voice on Saras phone, I couldnt help but curse myself for making you go through that, all alone. I was ashamed of myself for not taking your calls or replying to your texts. I cant forgive myself for what I have done to the person I cared for the most, but this is the time when I tell you that I love you as much as you do. And I will do everything in my power to make you happy, I want you in my life more than anything else. But I cant be selfish with you, I saw the pain Ive caused to you, your life was perfect until I came and ruined everything. I know you dont think of it like that but its the truth. The long Ill be with you, the more will you get in trouble and I dont want your life to be like that. Youll be happier without me, your dad is a great person and I know hell look out for you. This is the last time youll ever hear from me, Im so sorry but I couldnt help it. Im leaving, for good this time. I know its hard to forget the pain of months in just a second, but please understand and at least try to forget and forgive me. I love you Niva Mehra.