Thoughts of an Awkward Teenage Girl

Yiiiiiiiikes

12 April - 12:57am

So I'm in a weird kind of situation.
First of all, if you're reading this, why? I mean, thank you, but also, this is a very strange way to be spending your time... But, I mean, I appreciate it :)

But yes, the weird situation.
So the guy I liked previously was in the year level below me, and not just that, he was young for the year level. So I'm talking, we had a 17 month age gap, which doesn't seem like much when you're like out of school and all that, but when you're in it you feel like a PREDATOR.
Especially because I was the older one, and as a girl that's a bit of a weird thing. Not complaining, but I feel like society as a whole is more accepting when it's the guy that's older, especially when there's such an age gap.
ANYWAY LOL, I was talking to him like alllllll the time. In person and over text, and I thought everything was all g.
That's until he starts questioning the things I'm saying, like I'd be all cringey like "I don't like to share" and he'd be like, "what do you mean?" over and over and over, and then he'd be like "say it" (which in hindsight probably should have turned me off him, but I was all like, oooooh he's asking because he likes me too and he wants me to confess and yada yada you get the gist).
So I literally told him I liked him a little and then he said thank you... Which is a 10/10 response, ooft the friend zoning should have been obvious by then.
But then he got quiet and I was like... Oh no.. I know what's happening.

Here, my friends, is how it went down. Him in bold:

I feel so bad saying it
Don't worry
I can sense what you wanna say I think
So honestly
Like a big ol poop
Better out than in
But still
Honestly
Just whoosh
Out with it

Helloooooo
Anyone home?
5 nail-biting minutes later
Sorry back, OK sorry I know what's this feels like (after years of it)  but I just don't like you that way, you're so kind to talk to and still want you to be a close friend

Okay, so you should know I cried quite a bit, but then after like a couple of hours I was completely back to normal. And then I realised, WOWOW it was the first time I had actually gotten rejected and that's the reason I was soooo hurt.
But then I also thought about it some more and it was definitely weird that he was like MAKING me confess to liking him, only to say he didn't feel that way about me, but anyyywayy.
I can say after experiencing it, it's not so bad. I had like an equal chance of him admitting to liking me after I confessed, but I was just unlucky that he didn't. It was good to get it off my chest, and now I don't have to pine over him, wondering if my feelings are reciprocated. Life goes on!
Plus, I don't have to feel like I'm a creepy predator any more! (even though it was completely legal and I was never actually a predator please don't arrest me) Woo!
I cannot stress it enough, it didn't work so IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE. If he was really my soul mate and my one true love, it would have worked out. But it didn't, so there's no use feeling sad over it.
You also have to think about it, as in, would I even want to be in a relationship with this person knowing they don't feel that way about me?

ANYWAY.

I've also been incredibly stressed over my holiday homework, scared I'll never get the score I need to get into the university course I want, but have also been watching Bachelor in Paradise which is making me very verryyyy happy.

Also, another weird little tip. I find my mood can drastically change if I change the background on my phone or laptop, or change my phone case, or even rearrange some stuff on my desk. It's like a change of scenery, something different than what I've grown used to, and that can be really refreshing when you're in a rut.
Weird, but cool.

Also, I found out my actual zodiac signs and don't know what the hell they mean but I'm having fun anyway.
For anyone curious:
Sun - Libra
Moon - Capricorn
Rising - Gemini

Woooooooooo goodnight xxxx