Everything Left Unsaid>>GoldenBlackHawk

.19

.

August 22

Today was the day. Kevin is leaving me and I have no idea how to begin to explain how I feel. It was a mixture of pain, despair, and most of all longing for Kevin to stay. All I can do is think about him leaving and cry. Everything seems to circle back to him which led to tear stained cheeks and a puddle of tears.

I was supposed to take him to the airport which I was dreading. I wasn't ready to take him there and then watch as he leaves me somewhat permanently. Just the thought hurt me to the point where I was dreading for it to actually happen. Soon it would happen though but I was already prepared with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and loads of anime in my que on Netflix.

Now I was just waiting. Imagining how it would happen. Anticipating the phone call asking for me to get him that would break my heart.

.

Soon I was in the car driving Kevin to the airport. There was definitely tension in the small space and only the sound of Centuries by Fall Out Boy to break it up. Honestly the clutching pain in my chest didnt let loose. (Omfg I sound like an overly cliche novel writer I'll stop now bad Nyrene) It was dreadful sight to see both of us dragging our feet toward the terminal.

As Kevin said goodbye to me and I wrote my goodbye I could tell the written words weren't enough for him. Enough or not he graciously accepted them pulling me into a bone crushing hug. We both stand there, me silently sobbing onto his shoulder. Kevin kept saying "Nyrene it's fine, I'll talk to you, I'll visit.", but I could see it in his eyes he was unsure. Then again I was unsure myself. I just looked him in his eyes and nodded as if I understood.

Then I opened my mouth, not to breath, but to speak. I tried to utter out words that I couldn't form. So instead of a long speech about how I would miss him, nothing came out and the silence hung in the air. Before I could manage to find words Kevin's flight was called.

Watching him walk away was hard. I watched the best thing in my life walk off and now I wouldn't have his comfort because text messages aren't the same. After that I did an unbelievable thing. As Kevin faded into the crowd of unfamiliar faces I spoke.

"I'll miss you Kevin...and I love you."

I manage to force those words out, as croaky and shaky as they sounded. It was too late though Kevin wouldn't ever get to hear my voice before he left. Then I stood there in the middle of the Seattle airport tears rolling down my cheeks even after saying my first words in years.

Then again maybe Kevin will come back and visit, maybe then he'll get to hear me. I doubt it though, something about the look in Kevins eyes told me he might not be coming back. This idea hurt too much to even continue into the thought so I ignored it. Also I never did find out what that badge meant but then again I was more focused on Kevin leaving then some silly badge. I still somewhat yearn to know but will probably never get a chance to find out.

Instead I've decided that I'm going to speak. I'm going to set down this journal and I'm going to start speaking. It'll be hard, I have no doubt but I'm going to do it, because now I've learned. I've learned my precious and oh so coveted written words don't fill the gap spoken ones don't. They're cold and emotionless and maybe if I would have spoken them instead of saying them Kevin might still be here. Now I'm going to speak and show my emotions. I'm going to make my mistakes with the treacherous words. But I'm going to learn to do it gracefully in way that they too can be appreciated in a way that my written ones were.

And I'm going to do it for Kevin.

For the last time,

Bye xx

-Your grateful friend Nyrene

-----

A/N So this is over and I really want to just cry. Like I love this book so much and now it's over. ;-; I like the ending though, and I hope you guys do too. Until next time bye xx <3

Ps it's so late here I really should be in bed but shhhhh.