The Silenced Speaker

Chapter 60 - Hello, me

Sorry for the late upload guys. Bear with the shortness of this chapter, please... I'm trying out a new style that might work or fail miserably. Well, you judge. xD

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Roxanne had her peace that night. In her memory, she shifted in discomfort constantly, but no one seemed to have noticed. Alexis mentioned not a word of the question he left her with last time.

That night, Roxanne dreamed. For the first time in… a very long time. Long enough that she couldn’t recall it, even with approximation.

She was out on a terrace, in semi-open air. It was hard to put a finger on the exact features; a certain haze only present in dreams clouded her vision; details blurred and altered where she looked. There was a pang of nostalgia in her stomach, mixed with, ever so slightly, joy.

This was a dream.

A real dream… for once. After such a long time. She didn’t even realize how much she missed it until tonight.

The colours of her surroundings were light but soft and gentle. Not sharpness; white lost its glare, gold lost its glory. They were soothing.

The white was like a flowing fountain of milk with rich, warm liquid quality. A thin layer of gold the early morning sun poured on the ground, the warmth flooding the ground. Sprayed soft pink and pale orange, like fairy floss, tasted distinctly sweet in the air.

And out of nowhere, there was the fresh scent… of lemon.

Her eyes widened, the perception of her environment came into a halt. In a dream without lemon trees, the familiar scent.

She turned.

Standing there was Selena with her loving smile, just as lovely as the surroundings she did her best to examine earlier. All the words that described the colours were borrowed from this woman; soft, gentle, sweet, and warm. Like home.

All of her usual composure deserted her as her lips parted shakily to form words. In the height of nervousness and overwhelming joy, none came out.

“Rosy, my Rosy,” the topaz eyes were clear and smiling, “You’ve grown.”

Roxanne inhaled her scent almost greedily. A small part of her was aware of water welling up in her eyes. The lemon scent did tingle, she laughed softly at her childish explanation. Or perhaps Selena’s simple comment did.

And then the first rational thought struck her.

Why are you here?

And the rest came hurtling together; more questions, guesses, conclusions. Alexis’s offer, or perhaps her promise of silence, engagement with Trent, or much earlier… Her residence in the Elrtiv Palace since so long ago.

Why are you here?

The colour and depth of the topaz eyes didn’t alter. The same smile held its place. “None of those, Rosy. Those are you decisions. You’ll learn to make them.”

She studied the way the soft breeze carried her long blonde hair, and waited.

“You’re having trouble with all the things you’ve listed, but you can’t look at me for guidance,” the voice softened; quiet, like the first winter snow touching the ground, “I’m not here anymore. Looking at yourself, Rosy. You’d always made me proud.”

Perplexed at her words, Roxanne shook her head slowly. Myself. I’ve always had no one but myself.

“That’s not you,” Selena’s voice corrected, “the person you go to for these problems is not the girl I remember anymore.”

But – Roxanne choked on the words before she even begun. I’ve changed, Mama.

“It’s not the same. You never did change; what you did was hiding part of yourself, deep inside where no one can find you.

“Soon you’d lose the last thread you are holding on to that missing piece, too.”

The air still tasted serene. A bit of sweetness of fairy floss mingled with the scent of fresh fruit; sweet, and a little sour. Just how the young Rosy used to like it.

Why used to? Roxanne licked her lips as if the sweet scent lingered on them, her eyes took in the colours of her surroundings again.

Today, at this moment, she didn’t despise white, or any of the other light colours. She still liked the sweet scent – even sweeter and more delightful than she’d remembered from when she was a child.

Perhaps the part of her that she thought died with her mother thirteen years ago was only forcefully thrown down into the abyss inside her, hanging by the thread.

Perhaps she’s already seen the end of that thread.

The lemon scent lingered, and vanished. Just like that, she came back into reality.

Her mouth tasted bland. Sitting up in her bed, Roxanne blinked; the pale green of her eyes shone over the blue, for a moment bright and youthful as a new leaf. She licked her lips – a habit she’d learned from her dream.

The sudden desire for sugar seized her as she leaped off the bed to begin a new day.