Hi momma, I love you. Those simple words I didn't say enough while you were here and now I can't seem to stop saying them. I'm sitting here watching charmed with Aimee, the death of Pru is on and it's almost more than i can bare to watch, the day has been pretty rough. Dad was trying to find all his paperwork so it would be in one spot but in my brain it was telling me dad was giving up that he was ready to be home with you, and as much as I know that he wants to be with you momma i know he's not quite ready to leave this world as we know it. Honestly I let myself freak out and now trying to get control has just about made me sick but i'll be ok. I just wonder mom how do I move on, how do we all move on. I keep saying a day at a time, a breath at a time but it's not working. I've love grandparents but I haven't lost someone who was a part of me like you was and still are so I don't know the grieving process. What I know mom is I miss you so damn much sometimes it feels like my chest is cracking open from the pain of you not being here. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM....ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG i know it's wrong of me mom but I can't help it. I saw the pain it was etched all over your face but you never gave up, you kept going when the going was almost to much for you. I got to spend that last day with celebrating yours and Austins birthday and I should have seen the changes in you and in dad but I didn't pay attention, I didn't want to see it. I need you here mommy I miss you so much here I am 40 years old and I feel like a little baby girl. I want to crawl into daddys arms and here him say it's gonna be ok I want someone to wake me up and prove to me it's just a dream momma, why can't it be just a dream. I know you raised me to never question GOD, he never gives us more than we can handle and I know he needed you for a purpose but momma I am lost. It's been so long since I heard your voice or kissed your forehead and just got to be in your presence and I need it so bad, so veryy bad. I love you mom and I'm sorry I am making you sad, sometimes things just get to me and sometims i just don't know what else to do other than write my feelings in a letter that i know you'll never get but for me i know you see these letters. I love you momma and I will try my very best to move forward in the grieving process but i can't promise how long it will take. I love you my angel.
Vicki - your baby girl
