Lucas ✔️

Forty-Three

I gasped for air and sat up, looking around the room and spotting the worried faces of Janie and Cole.

"Oh, thank go-" Janie stopped and blushed beet-red, looking up with a horrified expression. "I mean, thank goodness! You're awake."

"Ugh," I mumbled, lifting a hand to my head as I tried to catch my breath. It felt like someone had taken a hammer to my head and my lunges ached just like the time I was five and had breathed in a head of water when swimming. "I feel like shit."

"Here, do you want to sit on the chair?" Cole asked, and I nodded, gratefully taking his arms as he lifted me easily and plopped me down gently. "What happened?" he asked me, brushing some hair from my forehead and looking at me intently.

"I saw..." I paused and furrowed my eyebrows. "I saw Lucas... before his fall."

"His... fall?" Janie repeated, looking at me with wide eyes. "You mean, you saw him as an angel?" I nodded my head and she gasped. "It's all real!" she whispered excitedly, clasping her hands together.

"Really?" Cole looked shocked as well. "You saw... heaven?"

I shook my head.

"I- I don't know," I said honestly. "Where's Uriel?"

"Sorry, Lilith," Uriel said suddenly from the seat across from us, making me jump. "That realm isn't for human forms. I understand that might have been uncomfortable."

Uncomfortable was an understatement, but I wasn't going to let him know that. It had been worth it to see everything that I did – to learn everything that I did. I felt like I understood Lucas more now, but at the same time it just showed me how much I would never be able to understand Lucas. Not like Shax and Amy could – even if they were 'lower angels' it was surely better than being a human. Their time together alone was decades longer than I could imagine, not even mentioning their defection from their own realm just to follow... Lucas.

"Thank you for showing me," I muttered, not looking him in the eyes.

I worried if I did, he would see straight into my soul and would be able to see exactly what I was thinking. What I was feeling. Poor human emotions – pity, hurt, disbelief, unease, anxiety. Things I was sure an angel like Uriel wouldn't be able to understand.

"Why did you show me?" I asked Uriel, looking up from my hands as Cole clasped his around them for a moment before standing up.

"Why?" Uriel paused for a moment. "Because it's my job to guide humans."

"I'm sure 'guiding humans' doesn't usually include showing them a fallen angel's life story," I scoffed, sending him a hardened gaze, which he simply avoided.

"That statement may be accurate, but my job is my job, nevertheless. I simply do as I am asked."

"So, you were... asked to show me?" I furrowed my eyebrows and wrung my fingers together, sending a confused Janie and Cole a quick glance.

"Lilith, do you think Lucas developed human emotions on his own?" Uriel asked suddenly, sitting forward and gazing at me intently.

The question threw me. It would make sense for Lucas to have developed human emotions on his own, wouldn't it? But, then again... nothing ever happened without a reason, right?

"What are you trying to say?" I breathed, holding a hand to my head as it throbbed in pain.

"I have been waiting to guide you my entire existence, Lilith. That is what I am trying to say." He stood up and moved my direction, nodding at Cole and Janie who stepped out of his way quickly.

"Your entire existence?" My voice was a mere shaky whisper.

"Yes. Do you understand what I am saying?" he squatted in front of me, his lifeless fingers touching my chin and lifting it, so I looked into his light eyes.

"No, I don't," I whispered, avoiding his eyes.

It couldn't be possible. I didn't want it to be possible. What would that mean about my life? About me? Was I simply a hamster on a wheel? Did I ever have a choice in anything, ever? Did Lucas ever have a choice? If this was always His plan, then why? Why make Lucas go through all that pain? Why make him wait so long for me? Why make him wait for me at all? Why couldn't Lucas have lived a happy, angel life? Why couldn't I have lived a happy, human life?

"I know you do," he let go of my chin and grabbed my hand, placing something cool in it and wrapping my fingers closed.

It was heavy, and I didn't want it. I shook my head and handed it back, my brain trying to understand what was happening. Tears fell from my eyes as I looked at him, begging him.

"Please, I don't want it," I said to him, pushing it back at him.

"We both know that's a lie," Uriel said softer, standing up and looking at Janie and Cole behind him. "It was lovely to meet you two. I shall hope I don't see you again for many more years." He nodded, and Janie moved forward, reaching her hand out for him.

"Uriel, please," she begged. "What's going to happen to Lilith?" Cole grabbed Janie and stopped her from clinging to Uriel. "Please," she begged, tears brimming her eyes.

"I have guided her as I was asked," he explained, turning to her as I looked down at my clasped hand.

"What does that mean?" Cole urged, his eyes darting to meet mine.

"Goodbye," Uriel nodded and moved to the window, disappearing before our very eyes as though he was made of mist.

"Uriel!" I yelled, standing up and looking around. "Please! Don't leave!" I moved to the window and hit it, looking out at the empty carpark. "Please! What do you mean?"

Tears ran down my face as I turned to Janie and Cole, looking at them with wide eyes. I clenched my hand and felt the cool metal itch against my skin. My jaw ticked, and I unfurled my hand, looking down at the gold band and red jewel, hating it with every fibre in my being. This ring was what caused Lucas to fall and now it was here with me. I lifted my hand and jerked my arm, stopping mid-action and holding onto the ring tightly.

"Fuck!" I screamed, stomping my foot and bursting into tears as Janie ran forwards and wrapped her arms around me.

"It's okay, it's okay," she soothed, brushing my back gently.

Except, I knew it wasn't going to be okay. I was never going to be okay. My life was over, and it had always been over. There was no way I was ever going to live a happy life again. The door creaked open and the bartender stepped inside, a confused look across his face.

"What are you guys doing in here?" he asked, eyeing us carefully before he spotted me. "Is she okay?"

I sniffled and pulled myself away from Janie's embrace and nodded my head.

"Sorry," I sniffed out.

Cole stepped forward and placed his hand on my shoulder, sending me a sad smile. The ring in my hand felt like a ring of fire, Janie's pity-filled eyes burned my skin, Cole's sad smile burned my eyes, and the bartender's worried gaze burned my heart. I shoved the ring onto Coles chest, his hand automatically going to catch it as I used all my strength to let it go.

"Sorry," I whispered to them, all of them, before I turned and sprinted from the bar, running from my friends, from my memories, from my new knowledge, and, most importantly, trying to run from my own fate.