Lucas ✔️

Seven

My ringing phone pulled me from my deep slumber and I rolled over, feeling oddly happy for the first day in a long, long time. Sorry, Dad. I ran my hand along my bed and under my pillow, trying to find my ringing phone.

I had stayed up late trying to find Lucas on Facebook - not that I was going to add him or anything - I just wanted to see his profile. I couldn't find him, though, and it wasn't because there was a lot of Lucas's nearby, it was simply because I don't think he had a profile.

My fingers brushed against the cold metal of my phone and I grasped it, pulling it out from the depths of my blankets. Cole was ringing for the first time in a while, probably to complain that I hadn't called him in a few days. I flopped back onto the bed and answered the phone, pulling it up to my ear, trying not to smile as I thought about last night.

"Hello?" I mumbled, my voice raspy from just waking up. I coughed a bit and tried to clear it as Cole spoke.

"Lilith! Did I wake you up?" He asked, his excited voice ringing through the phone, the chattering of people in the background of people told me he was at school.

"Yeah, it's okay, though," I replied, running my hand across my face.

"Well, it bloody well is okay! It's lunchtime, dude, you should be up." 

I pulled my phone away to look at the time and, sure enough, it was just past twelve. I let out a heavy sigh and rolled onto my side, letting my phone balance on my ear and dropping my arm down so I didn't have to hold my arm up.

"I had a late night, Cole," I said with a small yawn.

"Why?" He asked, concern filling his voice. "If you can't sleep then Janie and I can come and stay with you, you just need to say so and we will be right there." 

"Oh, no. I was just on my phone," I admitted, trying not to feel bad for not feeling sad today. 

Was it wrong to have an okay day? I knew Cole just meant well, but suddenly I felt bad for not being unable to sleep. Dad, should I be unable to sleep because of you? Is that what you wanted? 

"What's up, anyway?" I asked him, trying to forget the reason I was feeling good today and pay attention to the reason I had been feeling bad for months.

"I was just calling to see how you were going..." he mumbled deeply, pausing as though there was something he wasn't saying. 

"And?" I prompted, closing my eyes as I listened. He took a deep breath and let out a shaky chuckle.

"Well, and I overheard the teachers talking," he started, his voice sounding unsure. "I am pretty sure the guidance counsellor and some lady from the government are organising to come to see you next week if you don't start coming back to school." 

My stomach dropped, and I clenched my closed eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling. Just the mention of responsibilities, of school, had me breaking down. God, I was so fucking pathetic. I took a shaky breath and nodded my head slowly, causing the phone to slide from my cheek. I picked it up and rolled flat onto my back again. There went my good mood, squashed in a sea of sadness and anxiety. My small run-in with Lucas suddenly felt like it had taken place years ago, not just hours ago.

"O-oh," I gulped. "Thanks for the heads up."

Cole was the captain of the soccer team and often spent afternoons in the teacher's office discussing his poor grades with teachers. If he didn't keep his grades up he couldn't be captain, but none of the teachers wanted to be the one failing him and causing him to drop from the team, so they all put in the effort to help him pass. I knew his information was good, and he obviously thought it was too, otherwise, he wouldn't have bothered saying anything.

"Lilith?" 

"Yeah, Cole?" I replied, sitting up and looking out the window. I had never closed the curtains and it was freezing in my bedroom now, thanks to my stupidity.

"Will you be coming back soon?" He asked tentatively.

"What day is it today?" I asked back. Since I had been at home for so long my days were starting to blur, I knew they were passing but sometimes I thought it was a Monday and it turns out it was a Thursday. 

"It's a Tuesday." 

"Okay," I let out a deep sigh and gathered all the courage I could muster. "Will you pick me up tomorrow?" I said quietly, so quietly I almost hoped he wouldn't hear it. I wasn't that lucky.

"Yes! Sure! Definitely! I will be there!" 

The happiness was evident in his voice and I could imagine his bright smile stretching across his face as he held a big thumb up to Janie. A ding on my phone notified me I had a message and I was positive it would be Janie saying she was happy I was coming.

"Okay, I will see you tomorrow, then," I replied, my voice nowhere near as happy as his. 

He said his goodbye and hung up, promising to pick me up early tomorrow. I just hoped he didn't turn up too early. I let out a yell of frustration and flopped back onto the bed kicking my arms and legs in frustration. I stopped after a minute, breathing deeply to catch my breath, and closed my eyes.

Sorry, Dad. I almost forgot about you for a moment. Forgive me? I was being selfish, again.  

My mind had been filled with thoughts of Lucas all night, consuming me so much I actually forgot to cry myself to sleep for the first night in weeks, a couple of months, even. It had been a couple of months since I had attended school and nearly as long since my sleep schedule had almost flipped on its head. 

I had barely done any school work since I had started skipping and I was sure I was dangerously close to being kept back a year. I let out a loud groan and got out of bed lethargically, stepping over the unwashed clothes covering my floor. I should probably do some washing, so I had some clothes to wear to school. At the same time, though, I didn't really care what people thought I looked like at school; they were going to talk whether I looked good or not. I used to care, though, but now it all seemed like a waste. 

I didn't get dressed, or shower, or brush my teeth. Instead, I headed downstairs and grabbed a box of cereal, carrying it back up with me to my bed. Dad never let me eat in my bed. These days it was all I did, a metaphorical 'fuck you for leaving me'. That's what you get, Dad.

I crunched on some of the dry cereal as I pulled out the homework Janie had given me last week that I completely forgot to look at. The papers were crumpled badly, having been stepped on every day after I dropped them on the floor. I had no idea where the USB she gave me was but decided I could just start on whatever these sheets were.

I took one look at the mathematics sheet and stopped eating, my eyebrows furrowing as I looked at the complicated numbers and equations. I swallowed the chewed cereal in my mouth and placed the paper back down, opting instead to look outside the window at the melting snow.

Dad, I think I'm screwed.