Anathema

twenty three - this is not what you thought

He could feel his mother's wrath even before he opened the door. It was about four o'clock - meaning he was about four hours late. He took a deep breath, trying to brace himself, and pushed the door open.

She was standing at the stairs, her hands on her hips, her expression fuming and her eyes sad. She didn't say anything, and that was almost worse. He wanted her to yell at him, to get mad at him, because then maybe he wouldn't feel so special.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"Where were you."

It wasn't a question. It was an order. A statement. A conviction.

"On a walk."

"I tore up the entire neighborhood looking for you."

"Sorry."

"Tyler, I can't trust you if you keep doing this."

"That's fine. I never trusted you anyway."

Clancy grabbed his arm suddenly and he flinched. "You can't say that!" he hissed. "She'll never let you out again!"

"Excuse me?" his mother said.

"Excuse me," he repeated. "I thought you wanted me to be more honest with you."

He wanted to go upstairs. His legs were itching to fly up the steps as fast as they could so he could hide himself in his room. But she was in the way, and the look on her face made him afraid to try and break past.

"Come sit down at the table," she said.

"I don't want to."

"We're going to sit and have a civilized conversation. Then you can go upstairs."

"Can't we do it right here?"

She sighed in frustration through her nose. "Alright, fine. First, you're going to tell me why you were four hours late."

"I lost track of time." Which wasn't exactly true. He had known almost exactly how late he was. But how was he supposed to leave Josh when he needed him so badly?

"What were you doing?"

"I found a place and sat down." Which wasn't exactly a lie. What was the last truthfully honest thing that he'd said to his mother?

"And fell asleep," Nico added, only gnawing at his guilt. "And thought about how much you wanted a boy to kiss you."

"I did not," he hissed instinctively. He'd only wanted to hold hands. He'd been content with Josh leaning on his shoulder.

His mother frowned. "What did you say?"

"My friend was making fun of me." There. That was honest. But it didn't make him feel any better.

She ran her hands through her hair. She did that a lot, he noticed, and that made him feel guilty. "Listen, Tyler. Until you can prove that you'll come home on time, I can't let you go out by yourself again. I was worried sick."

Tyler's heart jumped. But Josh needed him. He needed to at least leave a note or something explaining why he wasn't coming. He couldn't worry Josh even more. "But -"

"No buts. I gave you a chance, and you blew it. I'm sorry." The look on her face told him that she wasn't sorry. It was almost as if she was relieved. Now she had an excuse to watch him closer now. It made his heart thud hard with anxiety.

"But Mom, I -"

"No, Tyler. That's what has to be done until you can earn my trust back."

"But Mom, he needs me!" he begged, but then his eyes went wide and covered his mouth with his hand.

"And now you've gone and blown his trust, too," Nico said. "Two in one day. Nice going."

His mother frowned. "Who?"

"My friend," he said, dropping his eyes to the floor. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight uncomfortably, wishing he hadn't said anything.

"Tyler, are your imaginary friends more important than your responsibilities and your promises?" she asked.

He didn't answer. He wanted to shrink into his jacket and never come out.

She didn't leave it alone. "Answer me, Tyler. Are your imaginary friends more important than your responsibilities and your promises?" she demanded.

"But he's real, Mom," he blurted.

He hated the look of surprise on her face. Shouldn't she be happy for him? But then again, he wasn't even sure if Josh was real or not.

"He is? Who is it?" she asked.

"I can't tell you," he said.

"This isn't helping."

"I promised not to tell you about him. He's scared of you. So I can't tell you."

"Your real friend is scared of me?" Her eyes laughed in his face, and he had the sudden violent urge to claw them out. Claw everyone's eyes out so they'd quit staring at him. "Tyler, that sounds like you made him up. I love you, but this is getting out of hand."

"He's real, Mom!" he insisted. "I swear he is!"

"But you don't know that, do you?" Nico said.

"Tyler, if we're going to have a civilized conversation, you're going to have to calm down."

That was like a slap to the face. He wasn't yelling or screaming or even freaking out. He was defending himself. He was explaining something, expressing his concerns. Now he knew that would never happen again.

"You know what? Fine," he said. "Ground me. I don't care."

"Tyler -"

"You don't believe me when I lie. You don't believe me when I tell the truth. You don't believe me no matter what I say, so there's no point in talking anymore. So fine. Ground me. I don't care." He crossed his arms and glared bitterly at the floor. He'd just sneak out, anyway. "With your stupid rules, I might as well be grounded already."

"Hey, Mom?" Maddy called from the kitchen. "I'm gonna run over to Kyle's for study."

"Alright," his mother called back, as if she hadn't been having a heated discussion with her oldest son.

Maddy walked past him and opened the door. "See you."

"Go make out with your boyfriend or something," Tyler grumbled as she pushed him.

"For the last time, he is not my boyfriend!" Maddy yelled, slamming the door.

"That was uncalled for," his mother said.

"I don't care."

"She's asked us not to bug her about it."

"I don't care."

"You need to respect her."

"I don't care."

"Tyler, you're being extremely disrespectful."

"I don't care."

Her eyes were hard and angry. She was ready to snap, and he didn't think he could take being yelled at. Clancy was already on the verge of tears.

"Go upstairs," she ordered. "And don't come down until you can have a civilized conversation with me."

"Then I'll see you never." He marched past her and started up the stairs, anger and fear and regret building up in him like a volcano or a soda can.

"Excuse me?" She turned around to face him, raising her voice.

"Now you know how I feel when I talk to you," he said over his shoulder. "All I tried to do was tell you what I could, and you just accused me. Trust goes both ways, Mom."

"Don't you walk away from me."

He reached his bedroom and glared down at her through the open door. "You told me you come back down when I could have a civilized conversation. You're not ready."

In his mind, the sound of the door slamming was as loud as a nuclear bomb.