Anathema

eighteen - you will never know

"So what'd your therapist say about me?" Josh asked, flipping his pocket knife open and shut.

"Oh, uh..." Tyler shifted his weight and looked out at the trees surrounding their treehouse. It was raining a little, and he watched the little stream of water trickle off the roof. "I haven't told her yet."

"Why not?" he asked curiously.

"I don't know. I just got nervous, I guess." Tyler picked at the hem of his shirt absentmindedly. "Have you told anyone about me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Josh didn't answer. He just dropped his eyes and ran the tip of his knife under his fingernails.

"Are you embarrassed?"

"No!" he said quickly. "No, of course not. I just...I just don't want you to get hurt."

Tyler frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You wouldn't understand. Same reason I don't want you to tell anyone about me. Sorry." He rubbed his nose nervously, and Tyler noticed he had a nose ring that he'd never seen before.

"Is that new?" Tyler asked.

"What?" Josh looked up and met his eyes, and Tyler blushed.

"Your nose ring." He moved to touch it and show him, but then hesitated, and leaned back uncomfortably.

Josh smirked, noticing his action. "What?"

Tyler reached up and quickly tapped his nose with one finger. Josh giggled, and Tyler's heart soared.

"Yeah, it's new. Been thinking about getting gauges, too, but..." His voice trailed off and he turned to look out at the forest. "The people I know would flip."

"Why?"

"I don't know, just...they just would. Dad's already mad about the nose ring..." And this time, Tyler was sure he saw his friend shiver slightly.

"That's stupid," he said. "It's your decision."

"Yeah, but since I'm not eighteen yet, he says he's in charge." Josh winced slightly as he spoke. "His house, his rules."

Silence fell over the treehouse, but it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. Tyler could hear the rain and the birds and the wind, and he finally felt calm. Clancy and Nico were quiet, and he felt like he could just relax and not think about anything for a while.

"What should I tell Dr. Ann about you?" he finally asked.

"What do you want to say?" Josh ran his hand through his cotton candy pink hair and absentmindedly tugged the sleeves of his jacket down further over his wrists.

"He's hiding something," Nico muttered.

Tyler glanced at Clancy, but he nodded in agreement. "I can feel it, too," the imaginary boy whispered.

"I'd tell her that you're the nicest person I've ever met," Tyler declared, trying his best to ignore them. He could feel it now, too, and that made him a little nervous. "And I'd tell her that you're the first person to want to hang out with me in probably eight years."

"Really?" Josh asked, frowning. "Man, that's awful."

Tyler shrugged, choosing to leave out the fact that he'd talked with Clancy and Nico, so it wasn't so lonely. "It wasn't too bad. I never really liked the kids in my neighborhood anyway."

"Oh." Josh shifted slightly as he spoke. "What else will you tell her?"

He wanted to say something along the lines of, that I'm not sure if you're real or not and I'm scared you're a coping mechanism, but he couldn't tell him that. "I'd tell her that you're everything everyone else wasn't. That you're the only one who doesn't think I'm a freak."

Josh laughed just a little, but it was confused and almost concerned, like a piano chord he'd found recently. G, B flat, D flat, F. "And why would I think you're a freak?"

"Well, it's not normal to say that the rain tastes like red in April," he said.

"Yeah, but that shouldn't make people think you're a freak."

"Well, it does," Nico grumbled, leaning against the wall and glaring into the trees.

And I have two imaginary friends who follow me everywhere and are the only ones I can really talk to. But he couldn't say that, either. He didn't want that to scare him like it scared his parents. "And there's something I haven't told you," Tyler said quietly.

At first, Josh was quiet, and Tyler felt a squeeze of regret in his heart. Now he didn't trust him. He was going to demand what it was. He was going to think he was a freak just like everyone else and get out of there as fast as he could.

Josh didn't do either of those things. Instead, he whispered, "There's something I haven't told you, either."

And instantly, Tyler heard it ring in his head, but he heard it in his own voice. I'm not real. You made me up.

That's not true, he told himself. He could be hiding anything.

Anything at all.

He didn't need Clancy to give him the possibilities, even though he heard him listing some under his breath. Josh could be a drug addict. He could be a criminal. He could be on the run. He could be a pedophile, making himself look Tyler's age to catch him and do horrible things to him. He could have lied about everything.

That's not even realistic! he wanted to scream to himself. Get ahold of yourself!

But at the same time, that was probably what Josh was thinking about him, too.

"Then we're just the same," Tyler whispered.

"Yeah." Josh gave him a sad, underwater sort of smile. Like an old rope swing. "I guess we are."

And this time, the silence was slightly unnerving, and Tyler quickly broke it before too long. "I've been thinking. We could leave letters in the little box under here."

"To anyone?"

"To each other. For when one of us isn't going to be here."

"Oh," Josh said.

Tyler shrugged, but at this point, he was convinced he'd seriously messed up today, and he kept his eyes down in embarrassment. "I just think that'd be fun."

"Yeah. I guess it'd be fun."

Tyler looked up again, noticing his sudden shift, and Josh quickly turned his head, but not before Tyler could catch a glimpse of the tears in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly.

"Nothing," Josh said. "Just...nothing."