My Ex: Harry Styles (on hold)

chapter 5

woo hoo, its chapter 5! Enjoy!:)

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(FLASHBACK)

Today is the day of the funeral. I don't know how I am going to cope. I have tried my best to stay strong for Katie but when I am on my own I just loose myself. I haven't been too well either! I keep being sick in the morning and at random times. I don't know why, probably from all the crying. Naomi has been great to me! She comforts me all the time because she knows I am really breaking inside. It’s true! My life is just falling down and down in front of my eyes. Each day just seems worse; I don't think I can handle any more sadness.

Its 6 in the morning and the funeral is at 2. I am currently lying in my bed starring at the white ceiling. Thinking. Thinking what my life has come to. I have lost nearly everyone I love in the space of 1 month! I am so glad I still have Kate nemo and Soph! I don't know how I am going to get through today, but I know one thing, I have to be strong! I don't want to have a melt down again!

I decide to get out of bed. I can’t take the stress anymore! It’s just too much! My heads constantly hurting and I still keep being sick. I have to urgently run to the toilet to barf at least 2 times a day!

As I get up the room spins around me, I hold on to my bed stand and stay still for a few moments waiting for the spinning to stop. When it finally came to an end I walked to my wardrobe and took my outfit out. I had prepared the outfit last night whilst flooding the room with tears! I was a mess!

I decided to wear a black knee length dress with a synch in waist and I wore some black tights and black boots. I grabbed a towel and headed for the shower. After about 30 minutes I got out and put on my clothes. I just put my hair in a normal everyday messy bun. Today wasn't a day to do a fancy hairstyle! I didn't put any make up on; if I did I don't know what I would've looked like after all the crying at the end of the day. After I finished getting completely ready I stepped out of the bath room. My eyes felt really heavy.

To be honest I am not ready for today! I am terrified I am going to loose myself again! Before I got the chance to think about it more an end up in tears, I left my room not wanting to break down. I entered the kitchen and opened the fridge looking for the milk when I felt a familiar feeling in my stomach. Oh no! I was going to be sick again! I dashed out of the kitchen to my room clutching my stomach. I ran into the bathroom hovering over the toilet and barfed out everything that was in me. I hadn't been eating much so it was like puking out water! Ughhhh!!:( I hate being sick! But then again who doesn't? The smell, the horrible feeling in your stomach, the aftertaste that ends up staying in your mouth! To get rid of that aftertaste, I brushed my teeth and drank some water that was on my dressing table. Don't ask why it’s there, it just is!

I checked the time on my phone. It was 1 o'clock, already!! I rushed into Katie’s room and to my surprise she was sleeping. NOT! Katie is ALWAYS sleeping!

"Katie, wake up! It’s already 1 o'clock ‘it’ starts at 2!" I didn't have the courage to say funeral so I just said ‘it’. She still didn't wake up so I nudged her slightly. She stirred and then slowly opened her eyes, wincing.

"I don't want to go Amy! I don't think I can manage it!" she sat up and embraced me into a tight hug. She cried gently on my shoulders. I bit my lip forcing myself not to cry and I rubbed circles on her back, trying to sooth her. I didn't do such a good job though. My circles were pretty weak since I was nearly in tears myself. It was hard to see Katie cry, it hurt that she was hurting. I felt responsible for her now, I felt almost like a parent.

She finally broke the hug; I couldn't take her crying in my shoulder any longer!

"You’ll be fine; we will get through this together!" I gave her hand a tight squeeze and gave her a weak smile.