When You Know

4 - He won't hurt you, Mum.

Mum and I were in the car driving to meet Ruben and Jet at Greenies—the café Mum used to work at when she was a teenager. We went there a few weeks ago to meet Tanner and Morgan for the first time in years, and it was amazing, so I was really excited to be going back again. We had been a few more times since then already and I still couldn't get enough of the place.

Ruben and Jet were driving separately in Ruben's truck—a big charcoal coloured Hilux with shiny black wheels, which Mum wouldn't let me go in, much to my disappointment. But it was probably a good thing in the end because now it was just us and I could ask her questions about Ruben.

"Do you want to kiss him?" I asked.

She laughed. "Always straight to the point, aren't you?"

"You only have yourself to blame. You raised me to be like this."

"Touché, smartass," she smiled, taking her eyes off the road to look at me for just a second, but she didn't answer my question.

"So . . . do you?" I asked again.

She sighed deeply and looked back at the road. "I don't remember a time when I didn't want to kiss him, kiddo. Even now. But it's been a long time since we've even seen each other and a lot of things have happened in that time. We don't really know each other anymore, and maybe he might not even want to."

"Um . . . you know he wants to. Didn't you hear what he said before?" And she says I have selective hearing.

She laughed again, and it was one of the happiest and most spirited laughs I've heard from her in a long time. "Yes, I heard. But it's a lot more complicated than all that. He has his life and we have ours, and they might not work together."

"But why wouldn't they?"

"I don't know yet, Madd. But right now, let's just focus on getting some food in our bellies and just getting to know them a little better, alright?"

"Alright, Mum," I said, happy that I would be eating soon because my stomach had already started grumbling and the food at Greenies was almost as good as her cooking. "But, just so you know, you really can kiss him if you want to. I won't mind," I said, reaching over to hold her hand in her lap as she drove.

She squeezed my hand tightly in hers. "It's going to take some time getting used to hearing you call me that. It's pretty surreal."

"I'll just make sure I say it in every sentence until it's less weird, then. Okay, Mum?"

"Okay, Son," she giggled. "Tell me . . . do you like him?"

"Well, I don't personally want to kiss him; but yes, I like him. He seems like a good person, Mum."

"He was the best person. He was probably even my favourite person in the whole world until you came along and nudged him out of top spot," she winked at me before returning her focus to the road.

"I'll be sure to not tell him that in case it makes him jealous. I don't want him not to like me."

"Who would ever not like you, kiddo?"

"You never know, it could happen." I really wanted him to like me. It felt nice being hugged the way he did before, like he really cared about me and missed me when we no longer saw each other anymore, which made me wonder what happened to cause them not to date anymore. "Why did you stop dating Ruben, Mum?"

She focussed on the road and her face grew hard like stone, like it always does when I ask her questions that are difficult for her to answer. "It's a long story, Madden."

I knew her well enough by now to know she would tell me more when she had figured out the words to explain it. She was very careful with what words she chose when she spoke, like she never wanted to waste any energy speaking ones that didn't mean anything real.