~~langst~~ (one shots)

what am i? (part 3)

We get to the shop and I stop. Keith doesn't notice and continues walking.

I gulp my throat dry. My gut is clenching. I'm so scared. Why am I so scared? It's just underwear. Come on lance. Stop being such a chicken

I feel a hand on my arm and i look down.

"I can't do it" I say tears springing to my eyes.

My eyes meet Keith's and he notices the tears starting to build.

He smiles and wipes them from my eyes softly.

"You can go look around the girls section ok? I'll go buy them and then we can look in the guy section for some clothes. Ok? They'll think ere there for me. and if youre still scared we can take down your hair" he says cupping my face.

I smile and nod feeling a little better. I don't want to take down my hair but it would help.

"Ok so I'll go buy the boxers and you can walk around the shop I'll fidn you when they're bought" Keith says grinning.

I smile back and we walk into the shop together.

Keith waves as he walks off to find boxers, I relise I never told him my size but then again I don't know what size i am in men's.

I take a deep breath and walk into the women's section looking around at all the clothes.

It kind of makes me dysphoric all the women's stuff but I like girls clothes... I like skirts and stuff but...

It makes me question whether or not I'm actually a guy...

I mean I have really bad dysphoria around my chest and stuff and I hate my voice because it's so high and I don't like my long hair but...

I like girls clothes.

I also would be terrified of getting top surgery. I want it but just... It's getting rid of something of me. They shouldn't be there but they are you know...

I sigh at my train of thought.

I'm scared that maybe I'm non binary and now I've told Keith I'm trans he's going to think I'm lying.

But I'm a boy... I want a boy's name a boy's haircut a boy's chest... A fucking dick but sometimes I go back to looking at a girl and being like I wish I had a body like hers like before I relised I was trans and I have to tell myself I don't...

Does that mean I'm faking?

I don't know anymore...

Everything is so confusing

You know what makes it even more confusing? Sometimes I'm ok with my boobs, tits whatever mostly not but sometimes. I... I feel fake...

It could be just because I'm attracted to girls. I honestly couldn't tell you

I'm such a confused idiot.

I don't understand myself at all...

"Lance!" Keith yells from behind me.

I spin around. Wow I'm getting used to it already.

"I got em!" He says happily.

I feel my heart explode a little and I can't tell if it's because of the boxers or Keith...

Ok short one shot woops I'm supposed to be studying aksbdkwba.
No time, no motivation now storiesss. I'm gonna try super hard.
My junior cert mocks (big exam that has a pre exam for practice that is a different paper) will be other in about 4 or 5 weeks and then I have to study for the real exam but it's a while away so yeah.
-fox