Can You Ever Love Me? A Niam fanfic

Chapter Four

My thoughts crowded my mind as the peacefullness of the park ingulfed me.

Why couldn't I move on? Why couldn't I forget about my feelings I had for my best friend? Why couldn't I find someone else who would feel the same way about me? Why did I let myself fall this hard. From the moment I realised I was in love with him, I knew it was stupid, but my heart over ruled my head.

My love for Niall is like a drug, I can't get enough of him. If I don't see him for a couple of days I feel  like there is something missing from my life. Everything about him I love. God, I sound so pathetic. I just wish I could tell someone, get this secret of my chest, have someone else carry the secret with me. 

I knew the boys would probably understand. Harry and Louis were to caught up in each other at the moment to deal with my problems though. It was like no one else existed, it was just the two of them in their own little world. I wish I could have that. Maybe Zayn.. I could talk to Zayn about mostly anything, he was a great listener. Don't get me wrong I can talk to all the boys about stuff but Zayn is great at giving advice. He sees things that other people don't. 

My thought's were interupted by me cell phone ringing loudly in my pocket. I quickly fished it out, quickly looking at the caller ID before putting it up to my ear. The bright screen had Niall's name on it.

"Hello?" 

"LIAM, OH MY GOD! I have been trying to get through to your for ages! What the fuck have you been doing?" Niall said frantically.

"I txted you and said I was alright, I have only been gone for a couple of hours!" I said calmly. 

"A COUPLE OF HOURS! LI it's almost four o clock! 

Shit. I looked at my watch. He was right, it was almost four, I must have been to deep in my thoughts to realise what the time was.

"Shit. Sorry Ni, I guess I kinda lost track of the time." I said sheepishly.

"It's okay. I am just glad you are alright, the boys and I have been worried sick! We thought something might have happened to you.." he trailed off at the end. I swear I heard his voice break at the end of his sentence, and my heart fluttered at the thought of him being worried about me.

"I'm coming home now okay?" I said before pressing end call on my phone and stuffing it back in to the front pocket of my jeans. I got up stifly from the bench and streched my limbs, hearing a satisfying cracking noise as I did so. As I made my way towards the entrance of the park a light rain started to fall and the wind started to pick up. As I moved faster down my road I put the hood of my jumper over my head to protect myself a little from the weather. I started jogging, I know the flat was close but I wanted to get home before it decided to poor down. I didn't need a cold to depress me even more. 

I had just got to the front door as it started pouring it down. I retrieved my house key out of my pocket and shoved it in the key hole. I could hear raised voices coming from the direction of the lounge and  so I closed the door quitely not wanting to interupt what was going on.

"What did you do to him!?" I think that was Zayn, I couldn't quite hear over the pounding of the rain on the roof.

"What do you mean what did I do to him! I didn't do anything Zayn!" Niall. I would know his voice anywhere. Why was Zayn yelling at him? 

"Well why would he just rush out out of the house and not call or anything and tell us where he is? He has never done that!" Zayn nearly shouted.

"Guys calm down alright? I must admit Liam has been a bit distance with us lately, maybe he just needed some space yeah?"  That was Harry.

I decided it was probably time to let the boy know I was here, I didn't want to barge in, and let them know that I had been eaves dropping, so I tip toed back to the front door, opened it quitely and then slammed it shut again. I took my coat of in the hallway and placed it on the coat rack and then moved down the hall way to the lounge. 

"Hello? Anyone he- Oh hey guys.." 

"Where the fuck have you been?" Zayn questioned angrily.

"I was just at the park.. Ni just rang, I am alright guys." 

"Why didn't you call or anything Li? We were all worried sick, especially Niall." Louis said.

I looked at Niall, but he was looking at the floor and wouldn't look at me.

"Sorry.." I wracked my brains for a good excuse I could use. 

"It's just Ruth rang this morning and it just kinda overwhelmed me coz I have been missing home lately..I just needed some space for a bit, sorry if I worried you!" I said, hoping this would stop the questions.

"Aww Li! Why didn't you tell us? You know you can talk to us about anything!" Louis said as he got up  from the couch and walked over to me and gave me a hug. I sighed in relief. 

"GROUP HUG!" Harry screamed and jumped on top of Louis' back.

Niall hugged me from behind and I tensed until I felt his warmth spread through me and a chill ran up my spine. 

I looked over at Zayn and saw him looking at me intently . I could tell that he didn't believe my lie about missing home. I was never a good liar. I raised my eyebrows at him questioningly but he just shook his head at me, and came over to join the group hug.

"Ugh guys, I can't breath." I said breathlessly as the boys hugged me tighter.

"Come on guys, we better get ready for our gig that's in a couple of hours!" Zayn chuckled. Oh, did I forget to mention? The boys and I are in a band. It's not famous or anything like that, we just do occasional gigs at bars, and anywhere we can find. We are called One Direction. Harry came up with the name, he thought it sounded cool when the announcer guy from X Factor said it. 

"I am not gonna let you go until you promise me something." I heard Niall say into my shirt. 

"Yeah Ni?" 

"Promise you will tell me whenever you feel homesick or whenever somethings worrying you okay? Promise LiLi?"

"Yeah I promise." I said.

The moment those three words left my lips I knew I would break that promise. 

I couldn't tell him my deepest secret.