Devotion (boyxboy)

Chapter 13

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD! This is the mantra going on in my head.  What is he doing here, in my house?  How did he get here?  How the hell did Keaton know where I lived?  I just stared at him from across the room.  At some point, I am sure I heard my parents leave the livingroom.  

I continued to blink my eyes in an attempt to restart my brain since it has pretty much shut down.  Then I take a really deep, good look at his face and take in all of the emotions clearly coming across his face, in his eyes I am seeing Keaton's soul for the very first time and it takes my breath away.  Anger, fear, betrayal, confusion, wonder, surprise, disbelief and finally, finally love!

Without saying a single word, Keaton and I have a facial emotion filled conversation and the flood gates of understanding come close to drowning my very psyche.  HE KNOWS!  My eyes grow wide as that is the first realization that hits me.  How the fuck did he figure out who I was.  Then my conscious repeats again OH MY GOD! 

I just, I can't.  How am I suppose to deal with this realization!  I take in a huge gulp and open my mouth to say what, I don't even know but before I can even begin, Keaton stops me by putting his hand up and saying, "No, I will do the talking so please sit down Balin and just listen to me for once okay."  I am so terrified right now.  One should be able to hear the drum like beat of my heart with how strong it is.  I keep taking deep breaths in to try and calm my soul but in the end I resign myself to whatever he will do to me and walk over to the sofa and sit and wait for him to begin.

Keaton is now pacing the room and like an addictive drug I follow him back and forth with my eyes.  He turns towards me and says, "First off, let me begin by apologizing."  I give him a confused look.  This is not what I was expecting from him.  Again he raises his hands and then continues, "Balin, I will explain to you later on why I am apologizing but for now I just wanted to get it out of the way."  He looks right at me with this pained expression and sighs heavily.  "I don't even know where to begin.  I am so overwhelmed with emotions right now that I just don't know where to start."

He begins pacing again, probably to help get his thoughts in order.  I enjoy watching from the sidelines because how can I not.  Keaton is close to perfect in every way.  I keep thinking to myself if this is the last time I get to drink Keaton in then I am going to get my fill.  I am so distracted by him that I fail to realize that he is now standing in front of me.

I look up when he begins to speak to me again, "I am not sure which emotion to begin with so let us start with surprise.  Imagine my surprise when you walked into this room and confirmed everything I was still doubting with just one look.  Anger.  Can you fathom the anger that is boiling inside of me at not realizing who you were sooner or you keeping it from me.  Betrayal and fear.  I poured out my very soul to you thinking you were my friend only to come and find out that you are it for me.  You are my greatest fantasy and I shudder to think of all I said to you in confidence."

He looks like he is ready to cry and I want to so badly get up and just wrap myself around him but I am paralyzed by my fear.  "You know, from the moment you entered into my life, I constantly had to fight this deep seeded need to just be with you.  It was so gut wrenching to not be able to simply touch you but I felt deep in my soul that B. Dalin was my soulmate.  Imagine how I felt when I realized you were one in the same person. I still can't wrap my head around that."

He is now yelling at me and I just can't take it anymore.  Tears are now falling down his beautiful face so I stand up, walk over to him and just wrap my entire being around his and he just falls apart in my arms.  This is the moment when I loose it all and release everything I have been holding inside of me.  We are a pair, the both of us sobbing like fools holding on to each other as if to part would stop us both from breathing.

Then I feel the very tips of Keaton's fingers caress the side of my face.  I look up into his face and there it is...the one emotion I feared I would never see on his face.  "Balin, I love you so very deeply that mere words defy the depth of the emotion I feel towards you.  When I found out who you really were, I went through all of these stages of emotions but in the end, I still loved you and in that moment I knew beyond any doubt that I was coming for you!" 

He is smiling down at me and it feels like sunlight shining across my face.  I am so happy and yet there is still one thing that I need clarification on.  Don't get me wrong, my dream is in my arms and wrapped around me confessing his love but I am a curious creature and we in no way have completely resolved everything.  We still have many things to discuss and questions to answer but right now, I needed the answer to only one.

"Keaton, how in the world did you find out my secret?  My own parents did not know about my penname.", I ask of him and he gives me this look of embaressment and a bit of guilt!?  "This is the reason why I apologized in the beginning.  The day you ran out of the room when you realized that I had heard you in the shower, I don't think you even realized you did it but, you looked like you were hiding something in your messenger bag.  It was not the first time you were so protective of it and I too am a curious creature.  Unfortunately I also snoop!", he says with a bit of an awkward snort type of laugh.

He looks at me and says, "When you left, you did not take your messenger bag and with all of these conflicting emotions running through me regarding you, I went right into your messenger bag and found your book.  At first I had no idea what I was looking at but then I opened it up and started reading it and I instantly knew who you really were.  In a way, everything just made sense for me after that.  I really wanted to kick your ass but in the end I needed to hold you in my arms like right here and now and just kiss the hell out of you!"

Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine and I felt just about complete!