Devotion (boyxboy)

Chapter 12

I am mindlessly staring out of the window in my bedroom while sitting on the windowbench hoping to not have a coherant thought enter my mind.

My mum, as it turns out, is one of my biggest fans and after causing me to nearly go deaf she simply got up and left the kitchen.  Where exactly she is in this house, I have no clue.

My father, on the other hand, looks right at me and simply states, "Exactly, how much money are we talking about?"  That was the moment I chose to leave the kitchen, pick up my things and make my way to my room for some much needed reflection.

Not even a half hour later I hear a slight knock on my door and then as I turn my head towards the door, I watch my mother enter the room.  She comes over towards me and sits at my desk.  There seems to be something on her mind but her facial expression is clearly showing her trying to work out what she wants to say to me.  I patiently wait for her for a few more moments and then she clears her throat.

"So Balin, I have a question for you.  I don't want to seem like I am prying but based on what you said downstairs and from what I have read of your novels, I am a bit confused."  She looks right at me and I have an inkling as to where this conversation is going to go and am mortified to even talk in this manner with my mum but I guess some things have to be clarified for her, in order to reconcile her gay son and the author.

I watch her look down at her hands that she is currently crossing on her lap so I move over to her and take one of her hands in mine and say, "Mum you can ask me anything you want.  It's okay.  I will try to answer you to the best of my ability without embarrassing the both of us."  She looks me right in the eyes and asks, "Balin how can you be a virgin and write what I have read in your books luv.  I don't understand.  They are quite graphic but you write it out so beautifully that it seems as if one is reading your experiences." 

"When I write, it is to a specific person.  Someone I have loved from the first moment I laid eyes upon him and in the beginning I journaled my feelings to keep a tight reign on them.  When I bravely chose to share my stories with a publishing house, well... the rest is history."  I stood up and began to pace my room running my fingers through my hair.

"In a way mum, these are my experiences.  In my mind these are the fantasies I have had about him.  Sometimes it can be so overwhelming and not having any type of physical outlet, writing was the next best thing.  I must sound really pathetic to you don't I?"  My mum come over to me and stops my pacing and takes my hands into hers and says, "Sweetheart, you are not pathetic.  Not to me anyway.  You are a boy with a crush who eventually became a man inlove.  Your stories are absolutely inspirational and so emotional that a reader cannot help but become immersed.  Do you have any idea how trully proud I am of you?  That you have accomplished all of this on your own.  When you are ready to introduce yourself to the world, I will be standing by your side as your proud mother."

I could not help it.  I pulled her into my arms and just squeezed her with all the emotions inside of me.  I felt partially relieved that no matter what, my parents supported me in all things.  I felt her pull away from me and sit back down at my desk and ask the one question I was not expecting.  "Who is he Balin?  Who is the love of your life?"  I just stared back at her, blinking rapidly and opening and closing my mouth.

Was I ready to discuss Keaton openly with anyone?  I barely let myself trully delve into the deep, heartfelt feelings that I have for him.  Will bringing a voice to my emotions finally help me understand what to do about Keaton?  Am I trully ready?  Ofcourse you are you idiot.  This is what you have been working towards all of these years.  Stop being scared!  I must be insane to have a sarcastic conscious.

I looked over at my mother and took a deep breath in.  As I was about to open my mouth I hear my dad downstairs calling for me.  Being distracted with the conversation I was having with my mother, I left my room with my mother fast on my heels and descended the stairs.  I hear muffled voices in the background and a commotion of noises.  I turn towards the livingroom where all the activity seems to be happening and I hear my dad yell right into my face, "Balin get down here already will you.  You have a...oh my dear boy you came upon me quick!", he chuckles out at me.  "What is it dad?"  "Balin someone is adament upon seeing you.", he says as he moves to the side and I finally catch a glimpse of my visitor and my chest starts to vibrate with how hard my heart is beating.  My eyes bulge out from how wide open they must be as I am completely left speechless, brainless!

Necessity must trully be the mother of all invention because he was here, in my house standing right in front of me.  I breathlessly said, "Keaton!"