Proof a heart is strong

Kicking and regret

*Its been a month that Nathan & Jackie have been engaged. She’s now 2 weeks into her fifth month*

Some nights I was just unable to get sleep, I could never find a comfortable stop. I was always to worried about the twins, I didn’t want to sleep the wrong way, cutting off oxygen to them. It’s was about one in the morning, I didn’t see myself falling asleep anytime soon. Nathan was in a dead sleep, laying on his stomach, his face smothered into the pillow. To me he looked uncomfortable, but he never once moved in his sleep, or complained in the morning of pain. I sat up in bed, turning on the tv. Of course nothing was on except infomercials. It was pointless to go channel surfing if all the channels showed the same thing. I wasn’t going to waist my time, so I just shut the TV off.

I laid on my back, crossing my hands behind my head, resting my eyes. Suddenly I felt a weird sensation in my stomach, sort of like butterfly’s. I read on a website that’s an early form of child movement. The twins weren’t quite big enough to kick as they say, but this sensation is a sign of movement. I didn’t want to wake up Nathan, but I knew with in two weeks time, I would most likely feel the first kick from the twins. It was an amazing feeling to know that soon I’d be a mother, how I would be giving birth to twins, never mind just one baby.

I looked over at Nathan, he rolled over onto his side, his back facing me. Ever since I can remember, he barely slept naked. But tonight, it was hot, and the central air wasn’t working so well in the building. He had a sheet only over his butt, the rest of his body exposed. I laid myself aside him, my head resting on his shoulder blade. I was gently kissing his upper back, my index finger on my left hand making circles on my hips. It was finally starting to kick in, soon I would be a mother, and nights like this, us laying in bed, or cuddling all night wouldn’t happen very often. Nights like this I need to cherish, even if he’s sleeping and I’m awake.

I always remind myself that he’d be the best father possible. It took away the fear of actually having the the twins. I knew he’d be great support, and reflect upon me, making me a better person, as well as a mother. I was young, confused, and hurt until I fell into his arms.

The feel of his skin on mine, drives me insane. His voice is like hearing an angel sing into my ears, his smile as sweet as sugar, yet intoxicating me like a drug. He has his moments that make me question his sanity, but he’s always sweet and caring, also very smart, and talented, I am honestly blessed to have him in my life. 

I still don’t understand what he sees in me, what makes me so special in his eyes. Of all people in the world, it was me, why? I’m stubborn, impatient, moody, my laugh is atrocious, I can be emotionally unstable, and honestly, i’m one of the most imperfect people ever to be put on this planet. Yet he loves me, and no one else.

~

The next morning i woke up to the feeling of butterfly’s in my my stomach again. It was almost nine, i patted Nathan’s shoulder hard enough to wake him up.

“Whats wrong?” He rolled over facing me. I was excited, biting my lower lip, my hands rubbing my pregnant stomach.  

“I can feel something! I think the twins are moving!” Nathan sat up next to me, moving my hands to place his. 

“I don’t feel anything, are you sure?”

“Yes! It feels like fluttering, like a butterfly is in there.” He just looked at me funny. “Give it a few more days, and you’ll be able to feel the twins kick. I’m already 20 weeks as of right now.” 

“I don’t get the whole baby thing.” He shrugged it off. “I can’t wait to feel them kick though.” He kissed my cheek before getting off the bed.