Dying to Live

Chapter 32

⏳ ZOE, August

Time was passing by way too quickly.

I could feel the seconds slipping between my fingertips now more than ever before.

I was trying not to be too optimistic about the fact that there wasn't much of a change in Adam's condition over the next few weeks. While he wasn't getting any better, at least he hadn't lost any more weight and the doctors didn't have anything new to say about his scans. He still napped for a few hours during the day and stayed up most of the night because of the pain, but there were periods where he actually had enough energy to go outside and walk around a little. It probably made a difference that his mom was staying with us for the foreseeable future. She was a huge help, and great company during all of the downtime.

It was the early evening now, a few hours after his latest round of chemo. We were having dinner on the back deck, playing ball with Joplin and listening to a rock playlist on Adam's phone. It was nice and relaxing, especially with the breeze playing with my hair and nipping at my toes.

"It's gonna rain tonight," Nancy said, pointing out the thick mass of gray clouds coming in. "It was so nice just a few hours ago." It'd been nothing but sunshine and clear skies so far this month, but it looked like things were about to take a turn.

"Are you cold?" I asked Adam. He was wearing one of his own sweatshirts, but it swallowed him up now, as if it belonged to another, much bigger man. He had the hood pulled up and his hands were mostly buried in the sleeves. "I can go get the blanket on the couch," I offered.

"I'm fine for now," he replied.

"I'll go get it. Are you done with these? I can take them in too," Nancy said and began picking up our dishes from the glass table. I made to get up and help, but she quickly gestured for me to stay put. "Don't worry. I've got it. You've been up on your feet all day. Just relax," she smiled and disappeared back into the house.

I sighed and leaned against Adam's shoulder.

"I love your mom... like, I really love her," I told him.

"She's pretty awesome, as far as moms go," he agreed with a goofy smile. He hesitated for a moment, his expression changing to something a little more serious. "Have you spoken to yours lately?" Ah, yeah, a little more serious indeed.

When she came to the wedding, I thought things with my mom were going to improve. It seemed I was wrong. We were right back to barely talking to each other. Why did I even think things would be different? She was still the same person. 

"I mean, I texted her," I stated flatly, wanting nothing more than to change the subject. "But I haven't actually talked to her since before we left for North Carolina last month... She's spending the summer at her friend's camp... so I don't think we'll be going over for dinner any time soon."

"A friend," Adam echoed with a mischievous grin.

"Yeah, a friend, a female friend. She's also a widow. They went on a cruise together last year. They've been keeping busy... you know, doing whatever it is women do when they lose their husbands," I told him with a shrug.

"You gonna go on a cruise?" Adam asked suddenly.

It took me a few moments to realize what he was saying. I looked at him and saw that he was still grinning in that dumb, playful way of his. He was trying to make a joke, like he always did. We made stupid cancer jokes. It was kind of our thing.