Dying to Live

Chapter 18

⏳ ZOE, May

On Sunday, things were more or less the same. The pain medication was really doing its thing and keeping Adam very drowsy, so he slept most of the day away upstairs. He tried to eat and stay hydrated, but everything just came right back up again. He apologized every time, like he was doing something wrong. I kept insisting it wasn't his fault. I told him that everything was going to be alright, that it wouldn't last, but I knew as well as he did that it was a pile of bullshit I was spewing. He might get a little better tomorrow or the next day, but he would never be alright. Next Friday he'd be back in that chair at the hospital, and we'd be right in the same damn place all over again. But what was the alternative?

When I wasn't needed, I was alone with my thoughts, counting down the hours until Nancy would roll into the driveway. She texted me when she was almost ready to leave her house in West Virginia, so if traffic wasn't too bad she'd be here in about seven or eight hours.

Calvin came over around lunch time and brought me some food. I told him Adam wasn't really in a good place to be seeing anybody, but he didn't mind. He'd come back tomorrow. Today he just wanted to make sure I was holding up OK.

I almost started crying in front of him.

In the early hours of the afternoon, I got a phone call from my big sister. I'd been texting her back and forth all weekend, but it was still such a huge relief to actually hear her voice.

"How's Adam?" was the first thing she asked me, even though she'd never met him.

"He's sleeping now," I answered. I opened the sliding door to the deck and let Joplin back inside, then made my way to the living room and sat down on the couch.

"How are you doing?" she wondered.

"Not great," I admitted and let out a shaky breath. "It's really hard. It's impossibly hard, Skye... I knew all of this was coming, and I know it won't get any better... but it's so much harder than I thought it'd be..." I trailed off as Joplin hopped onto the sofa next to me and dropped her huge head into my lap, demanding pets. I was pretty sure the dog was noticing things too. She seemed less energetic lately, gentler, more affectionate. "His mom is coming up here to stay for the next two weeks though, so that'll be good. She'll get to spend Mother's Day with him and Calvin..."

It felt like I was trapped in a bubble that was slowly running out of breathable air, so it was nice to talk to Skye about things that were going on in her life. She invited me to go see Beatrice's dance recital two Wednesdays from now and mentioned that she had lunch with our mother over the weekend.

"How did that go?" I asked with a snort of laughter.

"It wasn't that bad. She was fine. We talked about the kids mostly, which is usually a safe topic. Actually, she also mentioned you." I held my breath, knowing by her tone that something was about to happen. She was going to tell me a snippet of information that I really didn't want to hear. "She saw some of your pictures on Instagram."

Any other day, I would've laughed at the thought. Today, I didn't feel like it.

"Ah," I nodded my understanding. She didn't have to say anymore. My mom had seen the ones where I got real cozy with Adam by the river, or maybe that kiss in the car on our way to the hospital, or the whole series I had from our trip to see his family in West Virginia last week. He was a huge part of my life, so of course he'd be all over my social media too.