RC.(The Story Pursue)

Ch11 .................. R

What have I done?

The question loops in my mind as I curl up into a ball on my bed.

For more than an hour now I have become this weak little thing, that's in tears and inconsolable.

Giving the ring back to Ryan, telling him it's all over...

I sounded the death knell for our relationship. And besides, Jenny got what she wanted. Way to go!

I'm just a fool! I should have just left, calmed down put our conversation off until later!

Jenny had confessed, I just had to wait for Ryan to come to terms with it all!

I sigh and hide my head under the wet sheets. I squeeze my cushion with all my strength.

I feel bad ... I let myself get trapped. And now nothing can console me. I'm alone with my pain.

It hurts ... It hurts so much! I don't know how to get rid of this pain that's consuming my heart. No matter how much I weep, nothing passes.

Why do things always have to be so complicated in my life?

Couldn't the wheel of fortune turn at least once on the right side?

An outburst of anger snaps me out of it! It's not fair! I haven't done anything to deserve this much suffering!

I decide to get up. I look dreary eyed the unwanted collection of used handkerchiefs that line my bed. I used a whole box of tissues!

Like a zombie, I walk to the bathroom. I run the water while I undress.

(I avoid my reflection.)

I'll avoid making things harder for myself by contemplating my pathetic reflection in the mirror. I'm not masochistic to that extent!

In the shower, I wash without really paying attention to what I'm doing. I'm just heartbroken. My gut hurts.

I'd like to be a robot deprived of any feelings.

But these damn emotions come back in waves and tirelessly bring me back to the same state of despair.

Jenny's words keep coming back to mind and Ryan's look, as I handed him the ring, keeps haunting me.

I turn the mixing valve to make the water hotter but I don't manage to warm up.

I'm trembling. My body is shaken by spasms. Tears keep dripping down my face.

I take deep breaths and try to calm down. Crying won't get me anywhere. Crying won't give me Ryan back or patch things up with Jenny.

I resign myself to getting out of the shower and grab a towel. I warp it around myself. I have goosebumps.

When returning to my room, I take a look at my phone, but there's no message ...

Poor me! I still had hopes ...

In my wardrobe, I take that big old dress that I use as pyjamas on evenings when I'm depressed.

T:"Hi, you're going to be my bestfriend."

I laugh nervously. I know very well what I'm going to look like in the days ahead: a wreck.

I sit cross-legged on my bed and dry my hair meticulously. Then I slowly pass the brush through my curls.

This gesture has always calmed me down. It reminds me of those evenings when my mother gently untangled my hair, talking to me about her day.

My heart sinks ... How I'd like her to be here! Now more than ever!