Mailboxes and Park Benches ~A Ftm story~

Chapter 11

"Matt!" Luke rushed to embrace Matt and he didn't resist.
"I'm sorry." Matt sobbed.
"Dude it's ok I didn't mean to make you cry."
"No. No your right." Luke didn't say anything.
"I was being unreasonable. I'm really sorry."
"Don't be sorry. I wasn't there for you."
"Because I wouldn't let you." Matt whimpered. They sat in silence for a second, the only sound being Matt sniffing.
"Common, dude. Let's go to your house and then we can talk, ok?" Matt nodded and they walked slowly back to his house, Luke's arm around Matt's shoulder. By the time they got to his house, Matt was wiping his eyes with his sleeves. He opened the door with the key he always brought with him and they stepped inside.
"My parents aren't home."
"Ok." They slipped upstairs to Matt's bedroom and Luke sat down on the familiar blue bed, Matt next to him. Matt wasn't crying anymore, his eyes were dry as he stared at the plain white wall. They were both silent for a few uncomfortable minutes. Finally Luke spoke.
"Do you want me to talk?" He asked gently. Matt nodded. Luke kept quiet for a second more, picking his words carefully.
"Look. The reason I wasn't there was because, well, I... I might someone." Luke paused to see Matt's reaction but he didn't move.
"And she's really cool and we just kind of started hanging out and..."
"What's her name?"
"Ryan." Matt continued his silence.
"She's really cool and likes a bunch of stuff I like and she's really pretty too and"
"You like her." Matt finished for Luke. Luke hesitated.
"Yea." Luke looked the other way, blushing.
"And that dance is coming up..." he whispered to himself.
"Ask her."
"What?"
"Ask her to the dance." Luke stared at Matt in surprise.
"You think I should?"
"Well if you like her just go for it." Matt was staring at his feet.
"If you truly love someone you should be honest with them." Luke stared at him.
"I want to. But... I don't know I'm scared."
"Just do it. Just be you." Matt advised. Luke nodded.
"So... what about you?" Matt didn't respond.
"Matt?" Matt sniffed.
"Matt what's wrong?"
"I... I'm... I don't know how to say this but I... um..."
"Matt I won't judge you."
"I'm gay." A single tear rolled down Matt's face as he struggled not to completely break down.
"Matt... that's not a bad thing. I mean I don't care if your gay. I'll always love you, dude." Luke said gently.
"I know but I... I know I shouldn't be ashamed and I'm not but there's more."
Luke kept silent, waiting for Matt to go on.
"I. It's... you can't tell anyone."
"I won't, man."
"It's Hunter." Matt breathed.
"You... like him?" Matt looked away.
"There's more then that." More silence passed between them.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"Yea forget it." Matt got up from his bed and went to sit down at his desk. He stared out the window. He felt dizzy and tired. He could feel Luke's eyes on the back of his neck but Luke didn't press on. Matt just wished none of this ever happened.

Matt's POV

Matt started to notice he was being watched early in the year. Every class his skin prickled with the thought of those eyes on him. He honestly found it a bit concerning, considering how many times he'd seen Hunter picking on others. He simply thought he was his next target. But he never even talked to Matt and Matt almost wanted to believe it was something else. Those few times he caught him staring he had felt his heart flutter, just for a second. His usually aggressive eyes were calm and gentle, wanting something, almost looking at him with curiosity. But Matt would just turn back around and stare at his work. He tried to avoid eye contact with Hunter. He hated that feeling in his chest and in his stomach every time he so much as looked at him. He already knew he was gay and knew that wasn't wrong but this was. Those... well what he didn't want to call feelings for such an asswhole... he knew it was messed up. So he ignored it. He ignored it each second, each period, each day, each week. He focused on his school work to keep his mind away. Until Friday...
Matt pushed his black glasses up the rim of his nose as he walked down the hall of the school, grasping the arm of his back pack. Sometimes on Fridays he stayed after school studying or reading or writing and left when the school was nearly empty. There were generally a few kids still hanging around, messing with their friends but on this particular evening the halls were bare.
He walked down these silent hallways swiftly, eager to get home. He reached the back doors of the school, pushed them open noisily, and froze in place. Standing there leaning against the wall confidently, was Hunter. He stood up when Matt walked out and Matt lowered his gaze warily.
"Wait, Matt." Matt stopped walking cautiously and answered without looking up.
"What?" He said flatly.
"Can we talk?" Matt turned around to look at him and noticed Hunter looked much more nervous closer up.
"About...?"
"Look I... I know you probably see me as an asswhole. You've seen me messing with people and shit..."
"Yea." Matt said a little harsher then he meant to. Hunter paused.
"I just... look I don't want you to see me like that." Matt noticed Hunter edging closer and felt suddenly more alert as he realized his back was against the wall. Matt felt a cold drop of sweat drip down his face.
"Well how do you want me to see you?" Matt kept his tone even trying not to sound as nervous as he felt. Hunter put a hand on the wall behind Matt, next to his shoulder. He saw his eyes flick down, then back up to his eyes, which had no choice but to stare back.
"I'm not really like that." Hunter ignored the question.
"Your scared." Matt spoke for him. Hunter didn't answer but Matt could see it in his eyes.
"I know about... in class." Matt struggled for words.
"You were looking at me." Hunter just stared at him. Matt felt so awkward. Their faces were close enough for Matt to feel Hunter's breath. He could feel his heart racing. He knew what was happening but wasn't sure if he wanted it. Then suddenly a supernatural burst of courage came upon Matt.
"Well are you going to..." but before he could finish, he felt Hunter's lips against his. The feeling was magical. Everything bad about Hunter washed away. Matt closed his eyes, letting Hunter continue. His heart was pounding. Hunter slowly moved his hand from the wall to the back of Matt's head. His other hand wrapped around Matt's waist. Matt wasn't sure wear to put his hands so he draped them around Hunter's neck. Hunter's hand slowly moved up Matt's shirt against his skin. Suddenly Matt realized what was happening. The magic was broken as he pushed Hunter back, who stared at him with a look of sorrow on his face.
"This is wrong." Matt looked away.
"I'm sorry." Hunter pleaded and Matt looked back at him.
"No not like th- I... I do want this but... it's just wrong!"
"Liking Guys isn't wron..."
"Not that! It's you!" Hunter flinched.
"You beat people up! Your an ass whole!" Matt felt tears swelling at his eyes.
"Matt, please."
"No. I really shouldn't be here." Matt began to walk away. Hunter put a hand on his shoulder and Matt flung back around. His face was bright red and his eyes were already watering. He pulled Hunter closer and kissed him one last time.
"Now leave me alone." The last word shook in Matt's voice. Hunter didn't protest but instead watched Matt leave with a look of despair. As soon as Matt turned the corner he broke out in tears.