Kissing Away Insecurities | ✓

Chapter 22 - Love Me Like You Do

Anika stood rooted where he had left her. Tears streamed down her cheeks. He knew her slightest hesitation. She felt mad at herself. She should have given in. She could clearly see how much he needed her. But her fear had no ends. What if they only ended up settling for this physical relationship? Both of them knew they were craving for each other. Craving for that touch, for that love. But she was so far away so lost. She was afraid of letting him be so close to her. It had hurt those nights when she craved for him and he wasn't there. It hurt the same way today. But what hurt more was her fears, her insecurities were hurting him. She couldn't put an end to this. 

She stared away at the night sky visible from the glass door that lead to the pool area. The night was still and stagnant today. No breeze. Still she felt cold. His warmth was missing. He was right there and she pushed him away and now she missed him. She held her head sobbing. "What's wrong with me!" She cried , "Shivaay!" . He was the only one who could help her out of this and she rejected his advances. This was maddening. 

Lost in thoughts she changed out of that dress and slipped on a pair of soft cotton shorts and a long sleeveless top. She looked at the huge bed. Should she call him? No. He'd be mad at her. She was afraid her rejection would've hurt him. But she did not know what to do. She was neither here nor there. Slowly she got on the bed, putting out all the lights except the one above the study table. She closed her eyes but his face came before her. Turning to one side she let silent tears, hot and painful, trickle down to the pillow. What was she doing? 

* * *

He was frustrated, physically and emotionally. No matter how hard he tried to be with her like before, there was something in her way that landed up like a slap on his face. She was almost normal the entire day. He was loving everything. He loved how they danced after so long. He loved how she had possessively put her hands around his neck while dancing. He loved her smile. He loved those eyes shining with desire for him. 

But in that moment of heat he saw doubt in her eyes, and confusion in her manner he was left shocked. She had never been so unsure, never been so much in doubt. Was she simply reacting to what he was doing? Wasn't it two way? Had he simply seduced her to it with no heart from her side? Of course not. He had seen it in her eyes. The same flames in his. But when she had answered his question he was left broken again. He wasn't used to being rejected, and being rejected by her in anyway was his worst nightmare. It had simply come to live. 

Rubbing his hand on his forehead he walked to take a nice cold shower. Maybe it would help a little bit. Even in the shower he found himself stuck with that answer she had given him. He had craved for her touch. Her touch that soothed his heart and  burned his flesh. He had his needs. He had kept himself away from her. At nights lonely, all he imagined was his wife and her love. Now, that she was so close to him he still couldn't be close to her. Why was she doing this? There must be something very wrong. What? Did something terrible happen when he was away? But if it was so, she would have told him. She told him every damn thing. Even if the smallest toe of her feet hurt he knew it. It was like there was no filter. He liked that. She'd tell him everything, without fear of being judged by him or feeling of hiding herself from him. That's what he loved about her. She appeared on the outside as she was inside. Then why was she holding back, what was she hiding, why was she so disputed around him? Was she keeping a secret? 

He was getting restless. Stray thoughts flashing across his mind. Then he was feeling vulnerable, rejected by her. He always wanted to be the number one in her eyes. He wanted to see her proud of him. He did certainly not want her to feel unhappy because of him.