The Nikki Wolf Chronicles || Avengers

CHAPTER (20) TWENTY

As they all filled Nikki in about the unfortunate business of Loki, Clint peers up and sees an article on the wall-- it reads, 40 Killed in Hostage Accident. From here, he can see the print stating that no one knows what exactly had happened, but that it seemed there had been a gas leak while people were trapped in the basement.

He can't read any further, but not because the font is small and that he's across the room.

Natasha observes him as he clenches his jaw and balls up his fists, while looking in the direction he is. Her eyes widen when she sees the headlines, amidst all the other newspaper clippings. Clint excuses himself, saying he's tired, and walks off to his room. They all look worried as he leaves, and Nikki asks, "Is everything okay with him?"

Knowing what's going through his head, Natasha replies with, "I'll go find out," and goes to him in his room. Tony senses the mood in the air, and he doesn't have the heart to joke about the two's love for each other.

Natasha finds him leaning over his bathroom sink, water dripping from his face like he's just splashed himself. She waits by the doorway, not wanting to intrude too much. Looking up, he says, "I'll be right there." There's no trace of a smile, no twinkle in his eyes. She goes to his bedroom, and waits, patiently standing.

When he walks out, his face is patted dry, and he sits on his bed looking blankly at the floor. She stays silent, letting him think things through.

"I was selfish, Nat," he says, helplessness breaking through his voice. She bites her lip, trying to think of something to say. She's not good with showing sympathy.

"Clint..." she starts.

"I don't know if I can keep doing this." He looks up at her, his features stricken with negative emotion. "I hardly lived with it before. All those families..."

She squats down in front of him, taking his hand in hers, running her thumb across his rough fingers. One by one.

"You need to come back."

"I am back. I'm an agent, aren't I?" His voice goes up, hinting hysteria.

She shakes her head. "We need you back." She blinks twice, trying to think of how to continue. She knows he's not seeking attention; really, he tries to avoid that at all costs. But this bottling up is tearing him down, since the whole incident is popping up everywhere he goes.

"I know that if you could change anything, it would be that. Not that your parents died, or anything that your brother and you shared emotionally, or that you became an assassin. You would change what happened there."

"I..."

"You aren't selfish, Clint. Look at me." She takes his chin in her fingertips, and tilts his head to face her. "You need to come back. We need you."

He has an urge to cup her face and kiss her, like he almost did in Budapest, all those years ago. But he doesn't. It's one thing to spill out his emotions, but then a whole other to take advantage of their vulnerable state, and making a move.

His stomach drops when her other hand strokes his cheek, and they look lovingly into each other's eyes, reveling in the moment.

"Anything that happened back in Iowa, anything that happened at the orphanage, and anything that happened at the Carnival... It all led to this, Clint-- you being here. Are you okay with that?"

He remains quiet, looking thoughtfully at her.

"If you were on time at the bus stop, and you and your brother, Barney, went to join the army, you wouldn't be with all of us here. I'm sure of it." She wants to say that he wouldn't of met her, but she doesn't want to come across as shallow. "And, it's really important that you stay here, now that you are."