i hate you | xiuchen |

26

song of the day- escape by sechskies

"Kiss me, Minseok." Jongdae begged as we stood hugging in the doorway. I'm with Jongdae? I thought I was in the hospital?

"Where are we?" I asked. Jongdae wrapped his arms around me tighter, nearly constricting me until I couldn't breathe.

He laughed uncontrollably, hysterically.

"J-Jongdae... stop..." I cried out as I felt ribs begin to snap, the bones immediately ripping through skin and sticking out of my chest.

I screamed, but my voice wouldn't sound. I was useless, unheard, not important. He squeezed tighter, snapping more bones effortlessly. My upper arms had broken in half, making me loose all feeling in my hands, wrists. As if I wasn't numb enough.

"Minseokiki~ I love you. Kiss me, show me you do too." Jongdae stared into my eyes like they were endless.

Regardless of the numbness, I lifted my arms which now bent at my upper arm instead of my elbow. I wrapped my arms around his neck, him still snapping ribs between my breaths.

I closed my eyes and leaned in to kiss my lover. I felt his ice cold breathe against my lips and quickly opened my eyes to meet his.

"I hate you."

"The feeling is mutual." He smiled.

"It's time for breakfast." A new nurse sat a plate of food before me. I blinked and felt confused.

"It was all a dream." I said aloud raising the eyebrow of the nurse. She shrugged it off and left me to eat regardless.

I felt more in control of myself as I began to eat to questionable hospital food. I am me, right? Who was here before me, who was I in my dream? Am I really who I believe I am?

Who am I kidding, I am not in control of myself, I don't think I ever was.

"How was your meal?" The nurse asked as she removed the plate from in front of me. I smiled and replied,"It was great, thank you." She smiled and was about to walk out of the room before I reached out to her.

"May I go to the balcony?" I asked with a soft voice expecting rejection, but was met with a yes. I'm sure that the balconies are for emergencies but they are really hard to access if there really was one. The nurse unlocked the three locks on the door to the balcony and helped me to my feet. She gave me a walker to get to the balcony, and with each step I winced from the pain stinging my stomach.

I need to breathe, freely.

"Don't go that far." She grabbed my arm and stopped me from going far on the balcony, I was still at the door and I wanted to go farther.

"Let me go." I said calmly as I tried to make her let go of me.

"It's too dangerous if you go farther, let's go back inside." She realized the potential danger too late. She yelled for help as she tried pulling me back in.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I snapped, swinging my arm back and knocking her to the ground harshly. She didn't move.

I wobbled closer to the balcony, gazing down at the busy traffic below. My hands slid across the chilled railing as I pulled myself over to the edge.

What am I doing? Do I want this?

I glanced back and saw the nurse still unmoved. Sighing, I lifted one leg over the railing, then the other. I sat there, feeling like the world is of no use to me anymore. I've forgotten everything, everything of meaning to me has become a blur, and I want to see again.

Tears streamed down my checks without me even noticing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe.

Before I could let myself fall from the hospitals 13th floor, I heard a sound, a sound of something hitting glass. I opened my eyes again even though I thought I would never again.

Jongdae.

He stared me down from the next room over, hitting the glass with his clenched fists over and over again as if he was trying to break it.

I smiled as I fell backwards and onto the balcony.