The Pen is Mightier

February 2, 2017

2/2/17

Dear Howard,

53¢ is not at all a problem for me. It's when the price skyrockets to 54¢ that I'll really start to worry. Your method of causing me to spiral into insanity had me laughing for so long. I'm pretty sure that is the best way to pay anyone back for a crime. Except for one tiny flaw. You forgot to consider that I too own a pen, and that you alone do not possess the ability to write end parentheses. I also am gifted in that area. I used my special talent to write such a mark at the end of the paragraph about the suffering I would endure from that one little stroke of the pen. Let that remind you that the pen is in fact mightier than the sword, or any other form of torment imaginable, and is able to conquer it. Sort of. Of course, in the unlikely event that I'm trapped in a death match, and my weapons of choice are a pen and a sword, I would not hesitate to take the sword. Although, I just realized that in such an unlikely situation, no matter which one I choose, I don't think I'd survive longer than ten seconds. Maybe at least with a pen I could write a message for whoever put me in this situation or something dramatic like that. Guess I just changed my own mind on the subject. Pen is definitely my weapon of choice.

I must say, in regards to the unfinished parenthesis, that you reflected a bit of poetic truth in your last letter. In case you don't remember exactly what you said, your main point was that it created a sort of torture in the one viewing it as well as a sense of hope, even if it's false hope, that there's something more to come. An expectation that this unresolved phenomenon will become resolved. It's a very beautiful idea. In a way, I think that it's an accurate reflection of how people view the human life. When one is born, as when a parenthesis is opened, there's potential. There's ambiguity. There's hope. As life, and the parenthetical statements, continue, the potential becomes more focused, the ambiguity clears up with a distinct purpose, and the hope begins to be fulfilled. At the end of life, I feel like so many people struggle to end the parenthesis so to speak. They focus on "closure," (Which, really? What does that even mean? I understand what it means when people don't have the full story or something like that, but when they just say they "need closure" repeatedly, even after they know everything there is to know? Really, what's going to accomplish "closure"?) and ignore all the infinite potential that comes with the beginning. They want to think that life is like a nice, neat parenthetical statement with a beginning and a clear end. But really, I think that's where people are wrong to think of life like a parenthesis. The story of an individual doesn't end with their life. In fact, the impact they have on society and on those around them is a continuous effect, even after their passing. It's not when the parenthesis ends that matters. It's what's included within it. Some people's lives are one or two words, and then they end. Some people are entire novels. And some people are volumes of stories. The end parenthesis isn't really necessary in life. It's really the beginning that matters, and all the stuff that follows.

Now that I have successfully become more of a philosopher than a literature geek, I'll respond to the remainder of your letter.

Claire has informed me of the woes that accompany "Writing 101" courses. You're correct in assuming I tested out of them, and boy am I glad that I did. I mean, I honestly can't imagine what a bad sentence would even sound like, besides, of course, cutting it off in the middle like you decided to do in

Yup, that break is there on purpose too. It's taking all of my willpower not to go back and fix it, but since I've already written to you about how it exists, I very well can't go back and fix it now. Otherwise this entire paragraph would constitute a significant waste of space. Just so you're aware, I did in fact look at the page with one eyebrow raised suspiciously as if you were some crazy person. Well done predicting the future.

I will let you know that I took James out for coffee, where we discussed what's happening with my parents. I spilled all the beans to him, and, as you had suggested. It was a good decision.