The Pen is Mightier

January 27, 2017

1/27/17

Dear Beth Cassidy,

I must admit, that when I opened that first letter of yours and saw one lonely word staring back at me, I was deeply confused and even more deeply frustrated that I had revealed one of my pet peeves to you. It did cause me to laugh, and not just to laugh, but to laugh for others to hear. Certainly, if nothing else, you have a sense of humor, and you're not phased by the 53¢ price tag that comes with sending such a pranking letter. (I am, of course, talking of the stamp that accompanies the envelope on its treacherous journey through the mail room. I have, however, figured out a way to pay you back for such an extensive prank, and that is to begin this set of sentences with a parenthesis, and not conclude it with one. You will forever be feeling the dread of the incomplete parenthesis. In your dreams it will haunt you. In the daylight, it will be whispering in your ear, laughing at you. And there is nothing you can do to conquer it. There's something about the unfinished parenthesis that leaves everything feel open-ended, as if there's something you're missing, even though you know there isn't. It causes torment of a sort, perhaps the worst kind, as it cannot be brought into submission. It leaves suspense where otherwise there would be nothing, driving you deeper and deeper into a never ending spiral of insanity. However, I suppose it could also be seen as something beautiful. As if there's some hope that things really don't have to end. In this case, I see it as your punishment for sending me a one word response. [ ) ]

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I will make note, that there is, in fact, an end parenthesis inserted at the end of this paragraph, as the brackets [ ] indicate. However, upon discussing this letter, and reading the sequential letter, it is made clear that this mark was inserted, not by Howard, but by Beth, who made it upon reception of the letter. Therefore, since it is, in fact, a part of the conversation between the two parties, I felt obligated to include it in the digital reproduction of the letters, and to add this note in order to maintain maximum clarification.

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I am glad to know that your brain will not be exploding this semester. I can only hope that mine won't as well. I have, perhaps, one of the most dull writing classes this semester. I'm assuming you won't have to take "Writing 101" because you will have taken some AP class that got you out of it. Well let me tell you, there's almost nothing worse than having to sit through three hours a week of someone explaining what a complete sentence is. I'm being serious. All we have done for the first two weeks is learn what a noun is. If people don't know what makes a sentence a sentence by college, then something is definitely wrong with the American education system. I mean, it's as if

Yes that break was on purpose. Yes, it was supposed to be ironic. Don't look at this paper with that one eyebrow raised suspiciously as if I'm some crazy person. Although, to be fair, I probably am.

I will definitely keep your secret. James (whom you must not only consider taking out to coffee, but whom you must actually take out to coffee) will not hear a word about this from me. I'm really very sorry that you have to go through this, especailly so close to the holidays. I've never had to deal with a dilemma like that before, but I had a friend whose parents separated our senior year of high school. I think she found some of her greatest relief in talking with others about it. Granted, she didn't have much of a choice as to whether or not the information was made public, unlike you. But I do think that she truly found solice in just talking it out with her friends. Who knows, maybe you'll find somewhere to stay over the summer as well. If not, I'm sure that my family back in Oregon would love to host you.

In fact, I'm sure that my parents wouldn't mind having you around if you really need a place to stay. Plus, then you could still be in contact with James all summer long! What better option could you have than him being your (almost) next door neighbor? And to add on to that, we are BFF's now, so this hospitality that I'm extending to you is definitely something you'll have to accept.

Speaking of breaks and holidays and the like, you should definitely get together with James before Valentine's Day. Otherwise one of you might have to reject someone else before getting together with each other, and then things might get awkward between you two for a bit longer than necessary. I'm not sure if that sentence actually makes sense. Maybe that's why I'm in that "Writing 101" class.

I am thrilled, by the way, that you decided to put my drawing in a cherished place. I put your letter in a box. In fact, I've put all your letters in a box. Hopefully nobody discovers any of my letters to you and reads them. Otherwise, I'm sure they might think I was insane. Perhaps it would be best if you were to burn these letters as you receive them.

Sincerely,

Howard Davis