2013
I watched them play in a flirty way: sitting on the same chair, him carelessly slinging an arm over her shoulder casually, her leaning her head on his chest and almost on the crook on his neck, and I can tell it tickles whenever she breathes because I watched him shift slightly.
From across the table, my crush and best friend sit together and unknowingly break my heart. But through my bangs and chewing gum, I leaned on the table and grinned, teasing them a couple.
They laughed and said that I was being crazy again. I could only smile.
How stupid do you think I am, I wanted to say.
( But I never did. )
My crush's best pal sits to the table next to the one we're on and next to me snorts in a dismissive manner, and it was in that moment I realize that he was not bad looking, and since our best friends were 'not dating' it would mean that we should pair up too.
At the same time, I was still attracted to my crush, and I knew that if I dated his best friend too, I'd be the typical cliche romantic movie major side character whose best friend was the main character.
To hell with that.
I twirl my bangs with my index finger, and as our eyes focus on the parchment in front of us, attempting to study.
Attempting.
My eyes continuously flicker towards him, drinking in features that had drawn me to him like a flame to a moth. I knew it was dangerous, especially since my best friend was now his girlfriend; but like the moth I didn't care much for the burn.
Yet I don't wish to ruin their happiness because I was being selfish, so I just... watched.
"Can you help me with this?" I asked, tucking my bangs behind my ear. I was saying this aloud to anybody who listened, and to my painful joy, he is the one who leaned over a little and peered over.
Repressing my hand from shaking, I slide my finger over and felt his breath tickle my cheeks. I looked down to hide my burning features.
Carelessly, he explained in a breath and somehow I had absorbed the information, using a breezy voice to thank him, well in reality I wanted to kiss his cheeks in a thank you.
He pulled away and so did I, and I missed his temporary warmth that wasn't even mine to begin with.
I excused myself to go to the restrooms, and when she offered to follow I denied her request gently, and with a playful voice told her to spend time with her boyfriend.
I was pleased to find the bathroom empty, but even so, I entered the stalls, before I shut my eyes and hot tears pour from my eyes.
God, I hated myself for being so unselfish.
...
They broke up three months later. And my best friend was the one who ended it.
