ugh

ii.

April 4

The air conditioner blows directly into my face,

and I stand behind a tall man with his back faced towards me.

An apathetic and uncaring expression settles on my features

with my arms crossed.

I seemed intimidating, [ especially to the 13 year old boys who stand in a group

behind me, whispering their orders and I can feel their stares boring

into my back make them s t o p ] but who was I kidding?

In my shoes and oversized, worn out blue jacket,

I was actually trembling in fear.

Would I stutter? Would the cashier laugh at me? Would they

ask me to repeat the order twice just to hear my voice shake?

Finally, it was my turn to order.

In a cold voice, I ordered what I wanted with the cashier looking slightly

miffed, as if insulted that I was so cold.

One part of me thought; "Fuck you."

While most of me cried "Sorry," and apologized silently for how pathetic and useless I was.

When I recieved my food, I finally offered a small smile

to the cashier in slight apology.

And I went off.