Blessings A One Direction Fanfiction

chapter 4

HALLO MY PEOPLE

sorry I have been the most shitty uploader -.-'

DON'T HATE ME </3

I'm a consuler at a camp and I had to spend alot of time planning shit in the office :/ 

anywhore , LETS DO THIS BITCHES

by the way I send my blessings to all the people involved in the colarado shooting the other day , you are in my prayers <3 this is dedicated to you <3

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* two weeks later *

It's finally time to leave this hell hole. These past two weeks in this youth home have been hell. All the kids are insane , I made no friends and the workers are all bitches.

The only thing stopping me from jumping from that four story window in my room was Harry's calls..

* flashback *

It's only the fourth night here and I already want to go home. Harry said he would call , I told him I needed him to get me through this. Maybe he doesn't care about me? Maybe I'm just that stupid little girl who listens to his problems then he ditches for someone else to rant to. We've shared a phone call every night. He's told me he has some family issues right now and other then his bandmates , I'm the only friend he has. He also told me that if they gain custody of me at trial , I get to go on tour with them and meet the " boys " ( that's what he calls his bandmates apparently ). I'm really exited. Before dad died , He used to take me with his to work , which was basically driving everywhere. It was like a really long road trip. He had bunk beds in his transport so we used to rent movies and a DVD player and watch horror movies and eat junk food until 2am.

The memory brings me to tears , we had such a good relationship ... and now it's gone. The whole family has fallen apart.

I lay still in my bed , staring at the white painted ceiling. I was waiting to hear the familiar ring tone of Anne's cell phone. I really needed to talk to Harry. Just to hear his voice made me feel better. There was a light breeze was blowing through the window into the hot smothering room. I walked over to the window to look out into the night sky.

Right now , I wish I was in Peter Pan. I thought. I wish I could just fly away to Neverland. If only life was that simple.  I looked down the four story drop. What if I jumped? I would certainly die , but is that what I want? Sure ive cut before , but i have never thought about ending it. Is this what I want?

" Well, I know the feeling

Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge " My neighbor in rooms was singing again. She has a guitar that she plays every night , she actually really good. Tonight she was singing lullaby by nickelback... that's the song I used to sing to Macy when she was scared.

" there ain't no healing

From cutting yourself with the jagged edge.."

Do I really want to throw it all away? To end my misery? And jump?

"If you can hear me now

I'm reaching out

To let you know that you're not alone... "

What would Harry say? Would he care?

"Cause I have faith in you

That you're gonna make it through another night.. "

But what if I can't make it? What if things get worse? I don't think I can handle much more..

I put one foot on the window ledge.

"There's no need to go and blow the candle out

Because you're not done

You're far too young.. "

I bring both feet on the ledge so I'm now full on top og the ledge , ready to jump.

"Well, everybody's hit the bottom

Everybody's been forgotten

When everybody's tired of being alone

Yeah, everybody's been abandoned

And left a little empty handed

So if you're out there barely hanging on... "

This is it. No more stress , no more pain.. it's over.

RING RING

The sound scares me so much I fall on the ledge and back into my bed.

I flop over to see the thing I was hoping for .. my phone to be ringing ...

* End of flashback *

I almost ended it .. right then and there. Harry literally saved my life. We talked for about 3 hours that night. He still doesn't know that he saved me. I  fell like I should thank him , but I know he'd freak out.

I'm so glad I didn't end it , because , the trail went extremely well.

I wasn't really paying attention to all of it ,  but I know that Anne does get full Custody of me. I was so exited when I heard , it was like a giant weight lifted off my shoulders.

Where Macy's going is undecided , apparently he's had way more injuries then I had noticed... she's still in the hospital. The doctors say she will be okay , unless something insane happens like the hospital blows up.. but I'm not going to think of that right now. The worst part is I can't visit her..

Tomorrow I get to go on tour , my very first tour. I have no idia how long this tour will be , or what will happen during it , but from what Harry told me... his band is very popular. So I have no idea what to expect. Tomorrow I have to wake up at 4:00am to catch a plane with Harry. This will be the first time I ever get to meet him .. or see his face for that matter. I'm incredibly nervous.. what if he hates me? He's all I have left .. I don't think I can afford to lose someone else in my life .. then I'm sure I'm going to end it.

I have a small scrapbook in my wardrobe that I made. It looks like a dairy , except when you open it , instead of pages , it's an envelope. In the envelope is my razor. Sience my old one is at home , I took it out of the pencil sharpener at my desk. On the front of the book says " secrets. " , because no one knows I cut. It's like my own personal  gossip cercle , minus the backstabbing bitches. I have it , just encase I need to cut deeper.. enough to end it . Once and for all.  

I decided to try and get some sleep.. I have to wake up early tomorrow and meet my new big brother. And i'm scared as hell.

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SORRY IF ITS SHORT AND CRAPPIE :/ THANKS YOU FOR ALL THE SWEET COMMENTS<3 lovee youu xxxx