and it hits me, on nights like this
after days like these
that the only person on this planet
who i can rely on, after all these years,
is myself.
a scary thought.
but it doesn't have to be that way.
i so easily could spend this time
overthinking
buried in sorrow, regret, mistrust
of all those others
whom i thought i knew so well
and have now made me feel so alone;
instead, i choose to spend this time
letting go of them, just ever so slightly,
and building up my own strength
in their place.
knowing that i need it now more than ever.
and that decision, in itself,
took more strength than i ever knew i had.
but i can feel it building, inside me,
exponentially.
i think.
i hope.
i'm trying.
what was plain glass
is slowly becoming bulletproof,
because it has to.
i'm going to need it.
and although yes,
i do want to cry and brood about it all
because i'm just so lonely
and it is your fault i feel this way—
i think it may be wiser, this time,
to try to use those tears to grow.
like my very self were a sunflower,
and you the scorching, burning sun
(only without the warmth of character).
i only hope i can grow without that light.
i want to be strong.
and even if i didn't want it,
i need to be.
people are changeable.
they hurt.
and i must be made of steel and roses
if i want to survive
in a world like this.
a world full of people.
