emails from me

i'm a mess.

dedicated to xPureChances for killing me with her cliffhangers and impossible not to love fictional boys.

a/n
3/5 (read the author's note at the end)

••

i'm a mess.

aspen.

"lane!" his name felt almost unfamiliar with a tang of nostalgia, and i wanted nothing more than to run into his arms.

but god, all my work to let him go would be wasted.

"fuck, aspen," he hissed, and he was next to me in less than two seconds flat.

i took in his distraught state. dark circles rimmed his eyes, reminding me of bruises, and he wasn't exaggerating when he said his lips were chapped raw. a newfound sadness was swimming in his caramel eyes, and i wished more than anything in this world, that it would suddenly disappear.

lane wasn't meant to be sad.
lane was meant to smirk and tease and look sexy as hell.
he was not meant to be sad.

i rolled my lip and stared at him.

you need to get conner, i thought to myself, but i didn't seem to be listening.

"i need to help conner," i found myself saying, and lane's jaw clenched and i swear, he was shaking.
i ignored him for the moment, and went to assist the boy who had become a close friend in the past few weeks.

"god, aspen, i'm fine," he huffed, making a point to stand himself. "i'm sure cathy can help me, yeah?"

i blushed cherry at his raised eyebrows as he nodded toward lane.

i glanced back and saw that lane was positively livid.
i didn't blame him.

we watched conner make his way inside, acting as if the punch didn't hurt, but i knew it did. lane could do quite a bit of damage when he was angry, and he was absolutely pissed.

i watched as cathy saw him and rushed over quickly.
she had it bad.

we didn't speak for many moments, before i finally decided to break the thick silence.

"he's not my boyfriend," i said quietly, but the sharp intake of breath assured me that he had indeed heard. "never was."

"what the fuck do you mean, never was?"

"i mean, my friend cathy jay has been in love with him for years, and i'd never do that to her; not that i'd want to."

"why the fuck did you tell me he was your boyfriend then?"

"it's like sam said. i needed to come back or let you go completely. you wouldn't have let me go unless i said something like that." i paused, thinking it over. "well, you didn't let me go, anyway."

"no shit i didn't let you go."

"we should talk," i suggested, my heart constricting at the thought of him finding out.

he have me a look over, and my face must've given everything away, because in the next second, he looked scared shitless.
"we are talking," he whispered. a poor attempt at avoiding the elephant sitting in between us.

"lane."

"can i give you a hug first?" his voice is so broken, that i about crumble to the ground. my god.
i must have looked conflicted, because he then added a painful, "please?"

he's standing in front of me and tears are adamantly pushing on the kids of my eyes, and all thoughts of reality are washed from my brain and i nod.

in mere moments, i'm scooped up into the comfort and safety of lane's arms that i consider home, my legs wrapping around his waist. and then i'm sobbing.

earth-shattering, chest-ripping, heart opening sobs, straight onto lane's should, in the parking lot of a grocery store that i've called a safe haven for the past month and a half or so.

in the midst of breaking, i realized that i couldn't lie to myself anymore. i couldn't live without lane.

because while i was shattering against him, myself became lost with his self, and for more than a few dotting moments; we were one. and we were both broken.

my ending was lost in his beginning and there was no knowledge of who was who, and god, i never thought you could feel so much within a simple hug.

"i need to t-tell you s-something," i stuttered, choking on a sob.
he nodded, and i hesitantly climbed out of his embrace.

"we have a lot to talk about," i whispered.

••

a/n

there it is, the laspen reunion!! did it meet up to expectations?

anyone thinking calm before the storm?

any opinions on conner now?

OH and important, there's actually going to be five parts, instead of four. sorry for any confusion, but i decided it worked a lot better in five parts rather than four.

also, i updated 'seven parts of me,' and i'll be uploading my chapter to 'intertwined,' on @equallyopposite tonight, so check those out if you like!

i'm hoping for seven hundred votes for the next chapter? so hurry quick, because the next chapter is really important! ***spoiler***, aspen tells lane the real reason she left.

teaser:

"why did you leave?" he asked immediately. "and i don't want some bullshit answer aspen."
i breathed deeply. in through the nose, out through the mouth.

"i-uh," i stammered, a blush coating my cheeks, and i couldn't even look at him.

"what. happened?" he sounded absolutely angry, and i had no one to blame but myself.

you have to tell him.

"two months or so ago, about a week before i left, i found out something."