emails from me

email twenty-three.

dedicated to liyugh for being the first to remember that it was clove's name used for the po box in 'letters to you.'

••

to: lane
from: me
subject: i am broken.

email twenty-three.

i don't understand how you can be so forgiving when i did the same thing to you.

i am broken and i'm going to break you.

i killed my sister for fuck's sake and i used her name for a po box to send you letters, do you not get how psychotic that is?

i don't deserve your forgiveness.

i deserve your anger, your hatred.

i deserve to be hated.

i'm sobbing because i need you to hate me as much as i hate myself so that i can finally make myself let you go.

because i am broken, and i need to leave you alone before i break you.

i'm hurting you more than i've originally anticipated.

and i just want you to come and get me so i can let you kiss me to the point where all my sins become nothing more than a fogged memory, and the lines of our separate bodies become blurred and we are one.

and i am broken.

-me

••

paige says "sorry if this chapter sucks, i've literally rewritten it about eight times, and i'm still not happy with it."

maggie says "Paige isn't on here ever so message her on @equallyopposite "