Secret at the Knolls (a demi lovato/timberline knolls fanfic)

chapter 5 Sidi's POV

Beloved reader, TRIGGER WARNING: mature content, cursing, self harm and sexual themes present. You are more important than this story so if you are struggling please please do not read this. Reach out! Message me here or on Kik (username ghdcanada) or talk to an adult you trust. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are enough. Much love, LA

This place really is a giant pain in my ass....between the people that treat me like "a special" and backstabbing bitches that steal my phone time. I am old enough to discharge myself but I made a promise to try to get my crazy ass better able to cope. I promised my friend Lisa that I would make an attempt. This is the 3rd place I've been to but at least this place isn't one giant institutional building like the last two. they remind me of the lame ass "special" school my parents up and decided to move and put me in in grade one. I hated that place, either the teachers were high voice speaking twits that thought I was 3 or the mean assholes that thought a persion with special needs was dirt on the bottom of their shoes. The principle their liked to put kids in the closet if they "misbehaved" or looked at her the wrong way. That was some fucked up shit! I didn't need to be there either and eventually my lame ass parents realized that I was a lot smarter than the "special" school could handle. I'm fucking smart. I am good at math and talking back. Lisa and I met in Kindergarden in the special ed group then my moronic parents yanked me out one weekend and moved 2 hours away but when they wised up and moved back home, I rolled into vocal class and there she was! We've been together ever since, best friends for lifeish.

I sit there contemplating the meaning of life and all that shit while i wait on the outside front porch of Maple house, my supposed home away from home, waiting for that dumb ass chick Moira to come escort me to my session like I'm a fucking preschooler. I will be so glad when I can get around on my own and not feel like such a child. How I'm gonna get there, I have no idea.

So my thought process was:

My parents are screwups, like massive make-your-head-shake morons of epic porportions! They were addicted to alcohol and drugs (gee I wonder where I got it from?) and my father Jerry was a man-whore so who knows how many of his spawn were peppering the surrounding area! My parents started complaining about my weight when they were tranfering me from chair to bed/tub/etc since about grade 6 or 7 and I think that was a huge component of my eating disorder. I can't blame it all on them because if I had a normal mind I imagine I would have just shook it off, I am guessing because I have never been normal in my life, I didn't even come out of the womb (ew) normal. A combination of my mother's inability to stay away from alcohol (you would think it was oxygen for that bitch) and the assfuckery that was the doctor, I came out not breathing and as a result of that, part of my brain died and killed my ablility to tell my legs what to do. So I have cerebral palsy, god dammit my thoughts are like a after school info special and I chukle to myself and I hum the dumb ass "the more you know" tune. So my high school experience was both amazing and tragic. I had really awesome friends who were super close (when we weren't fighting) and totally different as different could be, yet we still formed this mighty band of misfits. We had Witches, Satanists, Catholics, Athiests and Pegans (that's me! but don't tell my grandmother, she would cut me out of the will and family faster than you could say Goddess) and yet we still melded all together! But highschool was when my eating disorder was at n all time high, I binged and perged or didn't eat or fed it to the dog, whatever worked at the time. In the middle of this I was diagnosed with Chrons disease, which is a bitch of an illness! So I started steroids called Prednisone and they don't call them Satans tic tacs for no reason!! They have awful side effects and as my chrons got worse, they upped my dose. Prednisone also causes weight gain so I was totally screwed. Let me do the math for you....asshole parents + bad body image + prednisone = a fucking pain in the ass (me) trying to starve myself. Smart eh? then there was the fact that

"Obsidian?" Moira interupts my pointless trail of thought.

"It's Sidi" I groan and immediatly wheel myself from the shade of Maple House's front porch and wheel as hard as I possibly can so Moira is almost trotting to keep up. good horsey! ha! Maple House is the closest House out of the 5 to the office building attatched to the dreaded cafeteria where you ate your meals and snacks within a set period of time or you drank however much ensure you would need to make up the calories you'd missed. There was no escaping, you were allowed 1 napkin and you had to leave it there so you couldn't stuff your napkin, put it in the garbage and ask for another either. you had to take off big hoodies before you entered so you couldn't fill the pockets. You even had vultures....er nurses and less paid support staff mostly who sat with you if you were in the first few levels of priveledges or circled around if you weren't. At least when you were furthur along you had more variety of foods you could choose from. They knew all my secrets and though I had been here for weeks, I would not bend. I got a particular sick pride in my stubbornness.

I careened past a scared looking office assistant I hadn't bothered to learn the name of, smiling in satisfaction at the sound of Moira panting slightly behind me. There, I gave you your workout for the day bitch, since I wasn't allowed to work out, someone had to take up my slack right?

There was Laila, peeking around the door jam of her office looking mortified that I had just about mowed over one of the minions. I complain about having to be walked to and from sessions and tell her I'm smart enough to make my way if TK didn't have all these damn restrictions on me when she asks the shrinky-type question..

"What do YOU think you can do to get to the next level?" I wanted to say jump through your hoops or let you use me like a puppet but I hold my tongue. She asks where I want to sit and I pick the window, mostly because I like to see her slender frame struggle with the chair, the girl seriously needs to do some working out, or eat a cheeseburger. I'm seriously going to hell so I might as well enjoy the ride.

So we sit down and I take a minute to shuffle myself around in my chair before we start, I can feel her eyes boring into my head, if she were that cyclops guy xmen then my head would have exploded or something by now.

"what?" I snapped, looking up suddenly so she startled.

"I'd like to talk about what happened between you and Kayla last night?" she said point blank, wow I didn't Know she could be so direct! I was stunned silent for a second.

"Kayla is a bitch." I say catching her off guard, I go on before she can chastise me for swearing, something frowned upon at TK "she put food on my plate when we were eating and then I had to sit at the table forever to finish and ended up having to drink half a fucking ensure before I left!"

"ok that's enough with the cursing Sidi, I have mentioned it before and I'm not going to tell you again. How do you know Kayla did that?"

"Because Kayla and I were the only ones left at that end of the table with Nurse Krachet being a vulture."

"well how would Kayla have gotten pass NURSE KREMIN?" she said emphasising Nurse Krachets real name, there were rules in the dining hall at TK, of course there had to be, I understand that, I'm not a total idiot but Nurse K took a sadistic pleasure in making us return to our seats and pick up our forks again. My friend Mandie left one burnt fry, ONE FRENCH FRY PEOPLE,and they calculated how much ensure a cal of fry costs and made her drink the vile stuff. Why didn't they just give her another fry? like we need to be tormented by food any more than we already are!!

"Ask her that! I think it was when little miss new girl freaked about the amount of peas on her plate. So I told Kayla I knew what she did and she just denied it!! the little bi....ugger!" I finished after Laila's semi-stern look, I don't think the chick could scare a deer with a bagpipe, ok that's a weird illiteration but that is literally what popped into my head! I never said I was normal!Obviously I am not or I wouldn't be here!

"So what can we do to avoid this situation if there is a next time?"

"keep a knife ready to stab the mother....fisher? Strangle her in her sleep? I would say don't sit with her but I can't really do that with the rules right now, can I? keep at the other end of the closely monitored group? Strangle her in her sleep?" I suggested, half kidding.

" well the strangling would be frowned on" she said wryly. so she did have a sense of humour! I let out a little giggle, very uncommon for me since I don't like to show any emotion other than anger because I refuse to let anyone break me.