This Empty Northern Hemisphere (A Mumford and Sons fanfiction)

Chapter XXXIII: Plead Me With Goodbye

Chapter XXXIII: Plead Me With Goodbye

 

Ben would be lying if he were to say he isn’t shaking with anxiety. The past few days he’s been too stressed to think straight. The thought of food is enough to make him feel unbearably queasy, and the art block he’s been suffering from the past week is frustrating beyond belief; every moment he finds himself alone with Marcus, he’s looking for a way to escape those kind eyes and the friendly touches.

But they were nothing but friendly touches, and maybe that’s what made them sting even more.

Sitting in art class with Winston across from him is oddly comforting, even though neither seem to have found their voices with one another. Today, Winston has been trying to find a way to breach the invisible wall between them.

Winnie clears his throat, and it’s enough to make Ben glance up at him.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Ben says quickly, intercepting the other boy’s thoughts. “Honestly. I don’t regret us, and I don’t have any hard feelings toward us being over with.”

Winston scowls. “You’re too damn good at taking words out of my mouth.”

With that, some of the tension that had been building the past week starts to break down a bit.

Winnie shakes his head, eyes somber.“I still want to apologize though, because what I did was wrong either way.”

Ben can feel his smile melting away when he catches a glance of the bandages peeking out from his friends sleeves. He can only assume what the bandages are for, but then again he’s usually correct with these sorts of assumptions. “It’s fine, mate. Really. You’re forgiven.” He hopes he sounds reassuring enough. He can’t even be angry with Winston, especially seeing as how he agreed to date him even though he himself was still deeply in love with another boy.

“Everytime I see Marcus he glares at me,” Winnie admits nervously. “He’s not as forgiving as you are.”

“Seriously? What does he care?” Ben scoffs.

“He’s still a really good friend of yours. And needless to say he’s not too happy about what happened between me and you.”

Ben doesn’t understand why he feels so frustrated. But he does, and he scribbles out what he’d been doodling angrily.“None of the things that happened are any of his business.”

Winston doesn’t know how to reply to that, merely putting his head down and biting his lip as he considers his next move. After a long minute of consideration, he asks, “Are you gonna tell him?”

Ben runs his fingers through his suddenly unbearably long hair. He’s already feeling so miserable, and despite Winston’s best intentions, this conversation isn’t doing him any good. “I don’t know. I don’t know how to even start that conversation. Just go up to him, say ‘Oh hullo mate, I have something to tell you. Surprise, I’m in love with the most homophobic arse on the planet and I’ve known him my whole life; guess who?”

“I think you’d feel better afterwards.”

Ben wholeheartedly disagrees. “I don’t know what to tell him.”

*(*)*

The looks Ted had been receiving as of late were more amusing than anything else. People didn’t know what to think of him. He’s gay, so a look of disgust? No, wait. He has to use a cane; shit I should feel sorry for him. But he destroyed another couple’s relationship. So disgust again?