One of us - Nichorello

34. The heart dies

A/N: Unfortunately, I won't be able to update the next two weeks, but still I will continue to update regularly once I return. So, enjoy reading!!!

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<Lorna's POV>

I wish I could say that I felt it. I wish I could say that I cried. I wish I could say that I was hurt. But instead, I felt nothing. There was no tear, no sobbing, no disappointment. Only this empty feeling as Caleb walked away, leaving me alone in the hallways with the last words from Nicky in my hands.

After that, I don't really remember what happened. I bailed school, that I remember. I somehow got home without getting into my car, which was still parked under a tree in the parking lot of our school. I remember not listening to music on the walk home, which at least takes an hour. I recall standing in front of Nicky's house, waiting for a sign. Waiting for the front door to open and Nicky to walk out, laughing at me for believing this ridiculous joke. She never came.

I must have stood there for hours before walking up to the front porch, slowly pacing along the railing, remembering our first kiss. And that's the moment I remember in detail.

As if the cracking of the wooden floor beneath me had suddenly awakened me, pulling me back into reality. I traced the railing with my fingertips, exactly where Nicky's hand had stroked over mine. I closed my eyes thinking back at the moment which felt so real. I could hear her voice saying:" You look so beautiful". Her eyes were glistening with passion and love, while her fingertips were slowly tracing up the outline of my arm. I saw her standing in front of me and everything came rushing back.

And all at once, I felt it. All of it. I was enveloped by her sent, vanilla or coconut, something calming but exotic at the same time, I never managed to completely make it out. The voice sounded so close and real as her raspy, sexy voice awakened me. Her touch, the electricity pulsing through my veins as I felt her thumb caressing my cheekbone. The softness of her lips as we finally inched closer, allowing our lips to touch.

Before I could react I was lost. Lost in the fantasy. Lost in the memories. But most of all, lost in her.

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I skipped school for the entire three weeks. I haven't spoken to anyone since Monday and my phone was somewhere in the pile of clothes on my bedroom floor.

"Honey, you have a visitor" my Mom yelled from downstairs. I didn't respond. I didn't turn my head. I didn't even blink. If I didn't know better I would have thought I was dead. Well, technically I was. Mentally.

The door slowly cracked open, the natural light from the hallways blinding me. I covered my eyes with my arm, not even bothering to look who it was.

"Wow, you are doing even worse than I am," Piper's voice said.

Luckily she didn't expect me to answer. Instead, she stumbled across the room reaching for my curtains, pulling them aside to let the sun in. The sky was blue, without a single cloud, I could hear a bird as she opened the windows to my dislike. I don't know why, but the good weather outside made me feel even miserable. Well, if you could call it 'feel'.

"How are you doing?" she asked, letting herself down on my bed. She examined me closer, combing my hair with her fingers, which had originally been hanging in front of my eyes.

"You're not wearing makeup!" She yelled as she jumped up in shock. Her loud voice was annoying me, as well as her questions. Her clinginess had never bothered me until now.

"Honestly, how do you feel?"

I still continued to stare at the ceileng, which had been my occupation for the entire 20 days Nicky was gone.

"I won't go until you talk, so why don't you just answer my question, honey?"

I grunted and turned around, pulling the sheets over my head, praying for her to leave the room.

"Well, I actually wanted to tell you that Alex called me."

"What?!" I yelled while jumping out of the bed. The pain overwhelmed me as I had to sit back down, resting my head in my hands as the stinging got weaker.

"She called. The sad thing is, she didn't call to check on me. She called to check on you. She asked how you were doing and told me that you shouldn't be expecting any calls from Nicky." Piper was staring at the ground, while her hands were fidgeting.

I got up, ignoring Piper's sadness and began to search for my phone.

2 missed calls from Alex

I quickly dialed in her phone number.

"Hello?" a raspy, familiar voice said. I felt the tears suddenly overwhelming me. My eyes began to sting, my hands to shiver and my pulse to speed up. Her voice had ripped me out of this state I was in, the numb feeling was gone, all the emotions rushing back like the waves of an ocean coming back to shore.

"Nicky?" I whispered. The next moment I heard a loud sound, probably the phone crashing to the ground.

"Vause! What the hell? You're still talking to Lorna?" she screamed "You told me that we would leave this all behind. That these months we would be alone, away from her and all the drama. Are you fucking serious right now?"

"Lorna?" Vause spoke to me softly.

"Yes? Alex, please let me talk to Nicky. Please tell me where you are" I pleaded. I heard them whispering, debating over who was going to talk to me.

"Hello?" Nicky's voice said rather annoyed.

"Nicky. Oh my god, Nicky" my hand came to my mouth as I realized that I was finally speaking to her again.

"I need to tell you about Christopher," I yelled as I realized that this was finally going to solve all the problems we had.

"No-. Lorna, this needs to stop."

"I'm serious," I tried to tell her that I broke up with him, but she continued talking.

"Oh, yes. I know you're serious. I know, baby. And that is the problem. Because you are also bat-shit crazy. You can't just, like, uh, keep doing whatever the fuck you want and then thinking it's gonna be okay. And the days of this, uh... crazy, being quicky and cute... it's past. It's sad, you know? I mean, you need help, and I can't help you, 'cause I need to help myself. Or maybe, uh, why don't you just go see a therapist or ask your conscience, right? See what she has to say about this. I'm pretty sure she's gonna tell me... She's gonna call me a dumbass sucker crazy person for letting myself do this again. And then tell me to never, ever, ever do this again, right? And this time, I'm gonna listen to her. 'Cause she is the expert, right?"

BEEP BEEP

And then she was gone.

This moment. This second where she had just cut me off from her life. It was the saddest feeling I had ever felt.

The saddest kind of sad is when your tears can't even drop and you feel nothing. It's like the world has just ended. You don't cry. You don't hear. You don't see. You stay. For a moment the heart dies.