One Fucked Up World

Chapter Thirteen

Thirteen

     I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. The red words said 04:32 AM. I had always known that tonight, I would get up before the sunrise. I wanted to be woken up by a dream, or Don's soft calling and kissing, or the fire alarm. None of these happened.

     I felt like shit. Shut up, everything.

     The thing was roaring inside my chest. Stop. It didn't. It was a giant snake crawling in my veins, and it was a five legged jelly fish, paralysing me. I felt it getting fiercer and bigger. Stop bursting out of the box, I commanded it. It had happened before, I remembered the first night being awake in the hospital.

     It was colder than any winter. The chill of the air conditioner in that room buckled me, no matter how I tried to pull up the blanket, it was still freezing like the water of the Atlantic Ocean.

     I had been alone in the big room, there had been five empty beds near me. Something with hair and spear was going to creep in! They would pop up any second! Shadows danced on the wall with the moonlight. Trees moved.

     I had cried but no one could hear me - just like right now. That night I heard people talking in the warm corridor, the curtain was closed. I could see their happy silhouettes.

     I didn't want to be in a bed right now! Somebody help me! I rubbed my arms in the blanket now. Stop thinking, I told myself. I was a colonel who lost the power she had never had.

     I could have done something else, but I had left Tommy. I had thought I needed to escape. I could have stayed. I could have make a change. He wouldn't have to die. Why didn't we figure things out in the first fucking place? Why did I ever think that he would want to set the fire intentionally? I got chickened...but honestly, he had no idea what he was doing that night!

     I had to lock these up, I tried to locate a room in my mind. My head was shrinking! The walls were breaking like the Bastille - the Bastille - let me try to remember the date of it. It was 14, July 1789 -, okay let me think about why the Bastille was broken...I couldn't do it. The beast was hammering my chest - let me breathe!

     I am so sorry Tommy.

     I cried. I couldn't stop, I wanted to. I didn't close my eyes, because the thing was chasing me. I was lost in a maze -it flashed its teeth and I imagined its dreadful claws that would slash my flash. I am sorry Tommy.

     Please let be, I wasn't fighting.

     I gasped for air in the dark. Whatever was filling my lungs, I begged them to stop. I cried because I killed Tommy. What a cruel murderer. The prison in the brain exploded, the beast took over with its fangs. How sad the world was. What was the beast's name? Please, do not bring me back to the house.

     I panted as the thousands needles puncturing my heart, tearing me away from the motel room. Now I saw it - it was I who had the fangs.

     A wave of ardent pressure came suppressing me from all directions. My back was hot and I saw the dress bright with flame.

     My back was burning! I patted the fire, it didn't go away. I tried to take off my dress, my hands were shaking. I was helpless and I let it burn.

     "Tommy!" I fucking yelled, "Max!"

     Some was hovering. I heard the woods cracking. The farmhouse was collapsing...there was no air. Death. Death. End. My sight was fucking heavy due to the alcohol, I screamed. I tripped. Fire crawled closer. Stop taunting me. Its flaming tongue was long like red eels. They were going to swallow me in. I was melting.