Promises to Keep[WATTYS15]

Chapter 23

When Klein said that he had a lot planned for my birthday, he wasn’t joking. After the whole confrontation between Cara, Andrew and I, he blindfolded me and led me out to the back garden, where my brother, Shelby, the twins, my gran and Klein’s family were all sitting with a picnic on the grass. I know it sucks without my dad being there but we always have to create new memories.

   With his presence missing, he instead sent over an American diamond encrusted trinket box. It was engraved with the last words my mum spoke to me. Words before she developed the cancer and before she began spluttering out the non-descriptive relegation speech. Her words were; be you. Be the world. Believe in yourself and all hope will suffice. Believe in the jurisdiction but make sweet memories and cherish the hardships. Life isn’t easy, nor is it meant to be but just be the wonderful person you are and it’ll be alright. I love you, my sweet child. I love you, my darling.

    Seeing that gift, had me remembering times where it was just mum and I, talking and laughing about the outcome of everything. We didn’t care for the looks of the staff, we just rambled on about everything and anything. It was those sweet memories that I really cherished. Not having that feeling of euphoria whenever we spoke, made me downhearted but I knew she was in a better place. She’s no longer suffering. Of course, there’s my dad but sometimes it’s not the same. You miss the constant chatter she spilled out from her many adventures. 

“You okay there?” Lucas’ voice rung through.

“I’m peachy. Just remembering mum saying these words to me,” I answered, not taking my eyes off the trinket box.

“What do the words mean?” Lucas asked.

“Mum said to me; be you. Be the world. Believe in yourself and all hope will suffice. Believe in the jurisdiction but make sweet memories and cherish the hardships. Life isn’t easy, nor is it meant to be but just be the wonderful person you are and it’ll be alright. I love you, my sweet child. I love you, my darling. And those words were just after she got diagnosed. She didn’t have the heart to tell us then. But, she said those words because of the pressure I was feeling about my anorexia and my relationship with Klein. Although Klein and I used to be best friends, I was apprehensive about being with him and I was apprehensive about continuing with the failing part of us. Mum said them to me because I was having all these worries about my life in general and having to open up to her on more than a lot of occasions she knew of my worries about my life and the direction I was heading in. She meant for me to create all these memories with everyone around me but to remember that hardships in life and relationships remain throughout everything and that you just have to work through them. She meant for me to just let the council rule our lives but also upper hand them at times, especially when it came to the lives of our children. Mum hated not being able to spend much time with us, blamed herself for my anorexia and everything, and it tore her apart. She blamed the council as well for the pressure they had on us as little children. They expected us to the epitome of perfect and when I wasn’t, they got harder on mum to make sure I was. She lost it with them and that’s why she lied and said to them that I was just really sick. It’s why I was scared when we went and told the council everything, because they’d know that the lies mum told them were false. They’d know that the medical records were forged and the real ones hidden where no one could find them. She said the ‘I love you’s’ to remind me of the everyday love she had for me. And to keep me in mind of the love and sweat that went into keeping me alive and healthy. Before the relapse right now, I had one before mum was diagnosed. She found me starving myself again and purging up the stuff I did eat. She called the checking up, tough love. Basically, the words she said were to keep me in mind of everything that she ever done for me. A bit like emotional blackmail but a good kind of blackmail, really.”