My Pregnancy Journey - completed

Chapter One - Heartbreak!

Right this is MY account of what I went through when I found out I was expecting. DON'T even think about COPYING it! IF I find that anyone has COPIED it, I will report you! OKAY! Now enjoy :) BTW some of this is quite raw still so please please please be kind! I have also wrote some in Italic but some normal as I have recounted something from my past.

Waking up one morning, I tasted a metallic taste in my mouth. Eww I thought to myself. I woke my fiancé up and said to him " I have a metallic taste in my mouth. I searched the symptoms of pregnancy last night and I have a few that match the symptoms of pregnancy." Groggily, he replied "Okay, well if you want to get a pregnancy test then we will get one." But instead of rushing out straight away to buy one, we ate breakfast. Then we showered and got dressed. One of our friends was living in a flat upstairs, but instead of waking him we left him too it. This was personal. Between me and Andy. So we locked our door behind us and made our way downstairs and out the front door. Of course that door locked automatically. We interlaced our fingers so that we were holding hands and walked slowly into town. 

"We have to get the Clearblue test this time," I told Andy quietly, so as not to let people passing us earwig on our conversation. "Okay." was all he could say. We walked on in silence, making our way up the road towards town. See where we lived, we lived in town technically. So this made it easier for us. Reaching the end of the path, we turned right and headed for the nearby crossing. Waiting patiently but anxiously for the light to change so that we could cross, I though about the idea of being pregnant again. Yes again! Now I know what you're all thinking. How can she be pregnant again? Well I'll tell you how.

Two months ago in July, I found out I was pregnant but only after I had been to A&E. I began bleeding very heavily, and I mean very heavily. I was in so much agony, that when I got to A&E I couldn't get comfortable on these blue plastic seats they had in their waiting room after we booked ourselves in. Our friends Stephen and Ross came with us. It was nice to have moral support from friends. After hours and hours of waiting, we were finally seen. We left our friends in the waiting room, and headed through the blue door that the nurse had appeared through.

She showed us through to a cubicle and asked us why we had come into the emergency room. Ugh! Seriously? Did she not know? I assumed she did, but told her anyway. "I have done a pregnancy test, not one of the Clearblue's, a cheap one and it came back positive. But now I'm having painful cramps and bleeding very heavily." 

"Okay, you need to do a urine sample for me please," she said, handing me a cardboard bowl. Oh My God! Did she just ask ME to pee in a cardboard bowl? She can't be serious? I thought. The look on her face said it all. She was deadly serious. She showed me where the toilet was and waited for me. Really? She is going to wait outside while I do my business? Gross! She pulled the cord, switching the blue light on! Yes! Blue! So of course the toilet was basked in a blue light. Because of how heavily I was bleeding, doing a urine sample was easy. It wasn't long before I was washing my hands and handing the bowl of MY urine back to the nurse. 

She took it away and told us she'd be back in a few minutes. Returning she handed me a box of tablets called Amoxicillin. "We'll send it off to the nearest hospital for testing  and they'll call you with the results, but after looking at your sample, we found out that you have an infection. Take these one every day first thing in the morning. But you can go now" the nurse showed us back through another blue door. This one brought us outside the waiting room, so we had to enter it again to tell our mates that we were going home. I hoped that the bleeding was nothing serious, but I was panicking all the way home.

My partner and our friends tried to reassure me everything would be okay. But that didn't work. I knew inside something was wrong. My heart ached like a piece of me had died inside. Little did I know something had. All this had happened over the weekend. So Monday and Tuesday passed with no call. My gut wrenched all day for the next two days. I went to sleep Tuesday night with that aching feeling in my heart and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I tossed and turned in my sleep. It must have been hours later when the sound of my phone ringing woke me up. I sat up and asked Andy to pass me my phone. He stirred and reached down to the floor, picking my phone up and handing it to me, the phone still ringing. I glanced at the time quickly. SHIT! It was 10am! I answered the phone. 

"Hello?"

"Is that Isabel Lockhart?" the voice on the other end asked.

"Yes. It is."

"I'm a midwife at Boston Pilgrim Hospital. We have your results back"

I stayed silent so she continued "You were pregnant Isabel, but you have had a miscarriage" she said more but upon hearing that word I zoned out. I could hear what she was saying though, it just wasn't registering. None of it was. She finished talking and then said "Bye". I said "Bye" with silent tears streaming down my face. I was pregnant! But now I'm not! Andy just took on look at me and pulled me into a hug. We both cried for hours, then a knock on our door interrupted our thoughts. Our friend had come down to see if we were awake. His voice breaking Andy told our friend Stephen "She was pregnant, but she miscarried" I just cried while both of them hugged me. None of it seemed real. It felt like I was in parallel universe. This wasn't happening to me I thought. But it had and it was.

Eventually I gathered myself together and calmed down. But inside my heart had been shattered into a million pieces. I looked at Andy carefully choosing my words and asked "Can we go and see your sister in London?"  He picked up his phone whilst saying "I'd have to ask her first, see if she has a week free". He quickly tapped out a message to her and pressed send. Later that day, when Andy's sister got home from work she text him back saying yes, we could go and see her. They organised between them a week that she had free in August. Then we booked and paid for our tickets to get on the coach.