Calum
I rolled over in my bed and snuggled my pillow, letting a tear slip from my eye. It's getting harder and harder to get up these days. I looked at the picture on my nightstand and quickly laid it facedown. Running a hand through my hair, I stood up and made my way to the kitchen where I found the other boys laughing and eating breakfast.
"Hey buddy!" Michael yelled, pulling me into a bear hug. I laughed and ruffled his newly died hair, flashing him a cheesy grin. I couldn't let anyone know how bad I'm actually hurting.
"Do we have poptarts or what?" I asked, stretching and then searching through the cabinets.
"Sorry bro, Michael just ate the last pack!" Ashton answered with a pout. I shrugged and started making toast. Once it was done I headed back to my room and nibbled on the toast as I pulled my black skinnies and NASA shirt on. I topped the look off with a black beanie.
I looked at myself in the mirror and finally decided I looked decent enough and went back to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. I hummed to myself as I poured the clear liquid into her superman cup. I felt the tears well up and quickly put the glass away.
The boys stomped into the room and Ashton locked arms with me, dragging me to the van awaiting us. I climbed to the very back, plopping down and immediately curling into a ball. Ashton took a seat up front while Luke and Michael sat in front of me, making goofy faces to make me laugh. I popped my earbuds in and ignored the world. I couldn't help but wonder what she was doing right now. Was she thinking of me? Did she feel this same pain I did? Or was she perfectly fine without me.
An unexpected brake caused me to jolt back into reality, realizing we were at the arena we were to perform at. I let a small smile creep onto my face and hurried out of the car.
I smiled at we entered the building. It was huge. I slid my earbuds out and yelled. I grinned when I heard the many echos my voice had made. Ashton put his arm around my shoulders and laughed at my inner child letting loose. He led me to the dressing room and I pulled out my phone. I stared at the background for ages until getting up the courage to shoot her a text.
I must've rewritten the text 12 times before throwing my phone at the couch and pacing. The boys shared a worried glance and Luke stood up, but I raised my hand. I didn't want sympathy. I wanted everything to be the same again. I decided to take a walk to clear my head and found myself at the front of the stage.
I took a seat with my legs dangling off and stared at the nothingness. Why did it have to be this way? Was there really no other way for us to be happy? The way I felt was not happy. If this is happy I don't ever want to be sad. All I can do is remember, there is no forgetting her.
"Calum look! Superman!" She giggled cocking her head to the side while she pointed at a throwback Superman cup we found in the middle of Wal-Mart. I laughed at her goofiness and stuck the cup in the cart.
"This can be your special cup." I said, with a wink and an eyebrow wiggle, causing her giggles to erupt into full blown laughter. I smiled at my gorgeous girlfriend before pushing the cart into the next isle.
"Hey Calum, you zoned out for a bit!" Ashton said, laughing and taking a seat beside me. I didn't say anything, instead I stared at the floor while I swung my feet back and forth.
"Thinking about her again?" He asked. I nodded and heard him sigh.
"We all miss her, maybe not as much as you do, but she was a part of all of our lives. For tonight let's just slap on a smile for the fans, they deserve to see those pearly whites!" Even in the hardest of times Ash made me smile. I nodded and stood up, following him back to the dressing room to prepare for another crowd of hormonal screaming girls.
Before I knew it we were playing the last song of the night. Amnesia. The tears formed in my eyes as I sang. No one knew what I was going through and how relevant this song was to me. I couldn't have been happier when the song was over and we were on our way to the apartment we were staying in in L.A. I bolted to my room and locked the door.
The sadness overcame me and warm tears cascaded down my cheeks, rolling off and staining my shirt as I slid down the door to sit on the floor. She was probably happy with someone better than me now and forgetting about all the time we shared. I want her. No, I need her. I need to kiss her, hug her, look into her beautiful brown eyes, see her smile and know I caused it.
There was a knock on my door, but I ignored it as I stripped down to my boxers and climbed under my covers, pulling them up to my nose. The tears didn't stop as I stared at the dark ceiling. I didn't want to feel like this anymore. The boys want me to try to find someone else, but I don't want anyone else. I wanted to believe she needed me as much as I needed her. Deep down I knew she didn't need me anymore. My doorknob twisted and Michael entered my room. I sat up as he took a seat beside me on the bed.
"Cal? Are you crying?" He asked, putting an arm around me. I nodded slowly and sniffled.
"Is it about her?" I nodded again. He sighed and pulled me into a hug, causing me to cry harder.
"She left you, but she didn't what she was leaving behind. A guy who loved her more than anyone else ever could. She doesn't realize how great you are and that you would go to the ends of the Earth for anyone you care about. But sometimes we go to the ends of the Earth for someone we love, just to realize they aren't there, I guess she's not there, but a different girl will be, and she will make all this pain go away and you will be happier than ever." He tried to fit it all in one breath, but failed and almost choked on his words, causing me to laugh.
"Thanks Mikey, I feel a lot better." I said, giving him a small smile. He returned it and left the room.
For the first night since she left, I didn't fall asleep crying.
