All Those Words

Chapter 21

Calysta

I'm completely broken by the time I reach up the stairs. All of my siblings are standing outside their rooms, watching me as I come up, I'm straight faced with my heart shattered and my tears all dried up. Asa stands among them, looking like he's trying to think of something to say.

I'm not sure whether our voices had travelled up for them to hear but by the looks on their faces, they know something. So I pause at the top of the stairs, my eyes lowered and I don't even flinch when I hear the front door shut. Did they really tell her to leave? Did she leave readily? Had she even thought about whether I'd react badly and prepare for it? From the looks of it, it didn't matter because she had left without even trying as much as she should have.

Actually, I don't care. It doesn't matter.

I'm about to walk past them to go up to my room when I hear pounding footsteps come up the stairs. I turn around in time to find Victor who can't seem to make up his mind about what emotions he's trying to show me. His emotions are so jumbled that his face is scrunched up in a weird way.

"Callie," he says but I don't break down at the sound of his voice like I used to after my dad died. "Are you sure about this? She's your mother."

"Deb's my mother," I whisper and his eyes sad eyes meet mine. "And you're my father so please don't make me see her again."

He nods and I can see that his heart is breaking for me, too. He doesn't know what he can say to make me feel better and at the moment, I don't think any words will make a difference. Maybe if she had tried before this, things would have been different. Maybe if my father was still alive, it wouldn't hurt so much.

My legs move on their own, taking small and careful steps until I'm inches away from Victor. I lean my forehead against chest and I take a shaky breath. He puts his arms around me instantly and I closed my eyes. He feels like my father – his arms strong and comforting. He smells like him, too, and it makes my chest ache so badly, I feel like I'm going to cry again. But I know I don't have any tears left. I wasted them all on someone who never cared for me instead of saving it for the people who have given their lives to take care of me.

"Everything is going to be okay, Callie," he whispers, stroking my hair like my father used to when I was upset. "Everything is going to work out like it always does."

***

Deb gathers all of the kids and sits them down at the table before dinner. I know why she's bringing everyone together and I've been dreading it ever since I locked myself in my room after Kristen left. I even shut Asa out after Victor had calmed me down. I didn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone.

I try writing a journal entry like I usually did when I was upset. Writing all the words I couldn't say out loud sometimes helped but right now, it didn't. I just wanted to be alone but I know that Deb and Vic – my parents are done giving me space. It's time for everyone to talk as a family. They obviously know that they have a lot of explaining to do to the others and I go downstairs because I, too, think it's better that everyone talks as a family. And I'm not just saying that because I'm terrified to find out that they hate me and never want to speak to me again.

"So, today was-" Victor starts but pauses as he tries to think of the right way to put it.

He looks at Deb and me in turn but I have no inputs and apparently, neither does she. I'm not even sure that I have the energy to speak, let alone think of ways to lower the blow when we tell them that we've been hiding things for God knows how many years. I feel like my life has been drained from my body and it's a wonder I'm even sitting in my chair.