All Those Words

Chapter 14

Calysta

"I'm so sorry!" Trixie cries when we reach home that night. "I really didn't think she'd show up."

"Although I don't like the fact that you drank alcohol or the method you used," Victor says and I keep my head bowed.

Asa had brought us straight home after my fight with Sydney and of course, Deb and Victor had waited up for us. So as soon as we came through the door with Trixie begging for forgiveness and Asa half dragging me into the house, they knew something was wrong. They could also smell the alcohol on my breath and made me cup of hot tea before they sat us down and asked us what happened. Asa explained everything in detail because I was still shaking from the realization of what I had done. And even though they weren't saying anything about it, I knew they were disappointed in Asa for not bringing us back without a showdown between Sydney and me and disappointed in me for drinking to begin with.

"Hey." Victor puts a hand on my knee. "You did good, Callie. You finally found your voice and told her your side of the story. I'm proud of you."

I look up at him with tears in my eyes and my heart aching from the thought of letting them down. My stomach was in knots and my head still felt light from the alcohol. But I could see that he was trying to make me feel better despite it and it just made me want to cry more. They had given up so much for me even though I wasn't their real daughter and here I was, making them worry and driving them crazy whether I spoke or not.

"I'm sorry," I told him. "I really mean it."

He sighs and I almost flinch when he takes me hand in his. His hand is warm against my cold skin and it reminds me of my father. And when he manages to catch my gaze and hold it, I have to swallow against the cottony feeling in my throat that's choking me and forcing tears into my eyes again.

Everything about him – his hair, his eyes, the way he looks at me, the way he treats me like everything I do is perfectly okay, the way he shows me that I'm the one child that he'll never yell at – reminds me of my father and it makes me want to cry. But I know that I can't because if I do, they'll ask why and I can't answer that in front of the other kids. I can't even answer that if they weren't there because I don't want Deb and Victor to feel bad that I still miss my father despite how well they treat me. And I know it sounds stupid because I'm allowed to miss my own father but it still feels wrong to make them hurt, too.

"Callie," he says again when he sees that he's lost me. "Don't ever drink again or you're grounded. Save the drinking for when you're twenty one, okay?"

I nod solemnly and catch a glimpse of Asa who's leaning against the kitchen counter, watching us and sending me an apologetic look for offering me my first drink. My eyes are still on him when Victor turns around and tells him to go to his room. I can tell it's not because he's angry, he just wants to talk to me alone but Asa looks guilty and hurt. He leaves anyway and Trixie starts to follow but Deb stops her.

"I spoke to the little ones at dinner," Deb tells us once Asa's footsteps recede up the staircase. "It's Asa's birthday on Sunday. I thought we'd go out as a family for dinner."

I feel the fear of hearing bad news disappear and I suddenly feel a little better. It seems their lecture about my drinking is over and it makes me feel less on edge even though I know that they've gone easy on me. They would have grounded Trixie for weeks had she been the one who drank and caused a scene. But then when I think about it, I realize Asa is about to turn eighteen which means that he's of legal age and out of the foster system. Did that mean that he would be homeless if Deb and Victor decided that they didn't want him?

"We need to buy him a present, too," Victor adds and then looks at the two of us.

I'm too dazed, thinking about Asa's future and how he'd have nowhere to go if he was kicked out of our house even though I know Deb and Victor would never do that. They've never sent a child back into the foster system before, no matter how problematic it was for them. I'm still in thought when I realize that Victor is talking to me. He raises and eyebrow and I come back to reality.

"Are you even listening?" he asks me and I nod quickly, apologizing. "I said that you're the closest to him so any ideas on what to get him?"

I frown and think about all the conversations I've had with him. He's never once talked about himself or what he likes. Nor has he said anything about wanting something. So I shake my head and they sigh as if they really expected me to know.

"What about a jacket?" Trixie suggests and they turn their attention to her. "It's going to start getting cold at the end of this month. I don't think he has anything warm to wear."

I instantly feel bad when Trixie speaks and they agree. I hadn't even thought of that. It didn't strike me that he wouldn't have anything warm to wear even though I had noticed how thin his t-shirts were all the time. I was too busy thinking about what he would want instead of thinking of what he would need.

"That's a good idea." Deb smiles. "Callie, can you keep him company on Sunday morning while we buy him some winter clothes? Then we'll go out for dinner."

I nod and I tell them that I'll try to find out what kind of food he likes. They agree, telling me that it's a good idea to take him for a cuisine that he likes and then we all head off to our rooms. The boys' room is closed when I go upstairs and I feel a pang of disappointment. I feel the need to talk to Asa and I don't know why. Maybe the alcohol is still playing tricks with my mind.

I barely get any sleep that night and I'm not sure whether it's the alcohol or the thoughts of the evening's events that keep playing over and over again in my head. Sydney's words, mine and her expression when she realized I was telling the truth aren't the only things flashing in my head. I can't stop thinking about Asa and how he's turning eighteen in one day. It also makes me think about the feelings I'm starting to develop for him and not the sisterly kind.

It's that thought that makes me jump out of bed at six in the morning. I know everyone is still asleep and I know that the other kids won't take up until late since it's a Saturday. So I changed into a pair of tracks, a long sleeved t-shirt and my running shoes. I leave the house as quietly as I can with just a bottle of water, wallet and phone. I don't intend on returning for a few hours and I know that Deb and Victor will have left for work by the time I return.

The air outside like crisp and cool, freezing my lungs with the first breath I take. I shiver a little, clenching my teeth as I break into a jog and by the time I jog past my lane and into the other, I feel warmer. The sky is starting to lighten by the time I jog two blocks further away from my house and I'm sweaty, panting and wondering why I ever stopped exercising. I used to be able to jog five blocks without getting tired and I've obviously lost my stamina from changing to a sedentary life of staying locked in my bedroom.

I slow down into a brisk walk by the time the sun is finally up and I find myself where I want to be – the side of town that has shops that open early. I slow to a walk once I enter the shopping area. It's not crowded but there are many people walking around, mainly to shop for vegetables and groceries. But I already know where the shop I came for is so I make a beeline for it. When I enter the old timer at the counter greets me good morning and I give him a curt nod in return. He doesn't bother me after that as I look around his store for a watch that would suit Asa. Many are old or antique but he has a lot of new designs and styles. I'm scanning the new designs when one catches my eye. The face is black and round and made of stainless steel with a black leather band.

"That's a beauty." The owner suddenly gets up and makes his way to where I'm standing. "The case material is PVD coated. Stainless steel with a gold case. It has 12 hour dial, data indicator and mineral crystal, quartz battery and genuine leather band."

I have no idea about the features he's talking about but the watch is beautiful. It's only when I see the price of it and I choke on my own spit.

"It's one of the newer models," he tells me when he sees my eyes widen. "I can show you older and cheaper ones."

I feel a sudden pang of disappointment because I really do like that watch. And I'm sure that he notices it because he pulls the watch out of the glass display case.

"I can't reduce the price," he tells me. "But I can engrave it for you for free."

I end up buying the watch despite it being so expensive. The owner engraves it right away for me and I hand him my card. I try my best not to cry when I see the receipt come out of the card swipe machine. I spent almost half of the money I had been saving up along with one month's allowance.

But when I turn the watch around and look at the words engraved on the back, it makes everything feel worth it.