He Left Me Alone

63

The night before graduation, I woke up at two in the morning. It was cold. Even colder than usual. The wind came in through the open window across the room. I pulled up the warm thick blanket higher, hoping to get back to sleep.

But I didn't feel the sleep coming.

I pulled off the blanket, letting the cold air touch my bare skin, eventhough my body couldn't stop shivering.

I stared at the white ceiling. My mind was focuses on graduation the next morning. What the decoration would be like. Or what present my parents would give me. Or how amazing the joy of letting go high school forever would feel like.

That was when I heard a sound across the room. I turned to where the sound had come from to see something so unreal that I believed my eyes were tricking me.

"Tommy."

There, by the window across the room, in a shining white suit, stood Logan.

I still managed to remember how to breathe when he crawled onto my bed as if it was the most normal thing to do, pulled the blanket to cover him, then myself.

All words from the dictionary I had learned for seventeen years of my life seemed to to be forgotten. Instead, as if told by my brain to do so, I moved closer and wrapped my hands around him.

He was cold. He smelled like flowers. Rose, I guessed. When I put myhead on his chest, I realized something different ; it wasn't moving up and down.

"What is this? Why are you here?"

"I was always here," I felt cold as he moved his hand down my arm.

Feeling his hand there on my arm made me realize about how much I missed him. And how much I wanted it to stay like this forever. That if I could freeze time, I would have done it by then.

"How is it, Logan, Heaven?"

"I don't know. I have never been there."

Not even a single clue of what that meant came to my mind. But I didn' care. I was to happy about the idea that he was there.

"I want to die, Logan," my voice cracked.

"You don't."

"Why? You're so selfish, you know that?"

He went silent. I tightened my hands around him.

"You have to live."

"Why?"

"Believe me. You have to."

"I don't believe you anymore. I did believe in you, Logan. But what? You gave up!" I didn't meant to but my voice sounded too harsh.

I felt a slight of guilt when he just tightened his hand on my arm so my face was pressed to his chest. But the warmth that used to there, had long gone.

"I'm sorry," from his voice, I knew that he really meant it.

"You left me alone, Logan, when I believed we were fine."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't want your apologies. I just want to be with you."

Deep down inside, I knew that it was impossible. He was dead. I wasn't.

"Listen to me. You are the greatest and most amazing person I have ever met, Tommy. You have to live. You deserve so many good things in life. You deserve to love and be loved."

Tears were coming out before any warning. "I just want to love you," I murmured.

"No. There are many amazing people out there. Go to France. Take that art program you wanted, you remember?" I nodded. "If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for me."

I didn't know what to say, so I sat up to face him. There were tears in his face, too. I grabbed his face, and pressed my lips against his. I didn't care that the kiss was so wet because we both were crying, I kissed him hard.

We pulled from the kiss and sat there in silence, holding hands. The silence was the comfortable one.

"Tommy?" his voice sounded like a whisper.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I know."

Ho moved closer, and kissed me for once more.

"I have to go."

I didn't want him to, so I just answered with, "Okay."

I felt disappoinment throbbing in my heart as he got up. Before I knew it, tears were coming again.

A few minutes passed, he just stood there by the window across the room. He looked so beautiful. And and I loved him.

I didn't know if it was only me, but the vision of him became blurrier as each second went by. I couldn't see him clearly.

All I could think of was how I loved him. So much. And he never knew that I did.

"Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I know."

Just before he was fully gone, he muttered, "I'll see you later."

But I knew that later would never came. And he just left. Jut like that.

But this time, something changed.

He knew that I loved him. And that made the whole thing less painful.