Temptation (Larry Stylinson) ✅

23. Vulnerable

"Fuck, I um. Sorry," Louis said shyly. He had just gone to the bathroom to wash his face after crying so much, and now he was back in his room, staring at Harry, who was sitting uncomfortably on the edge of his bed.

"What, no it's okay, Louis. Don't worry about it. I was crying with you just the other day," Harry said, reassuringly. "It's okay to get emotional. We all do."

"Oh god, you sound like bloody Mr. Rodgers. 'It's okay to feel sad sometimes,'" Louis replied, rolling his eyes and mocking the creepy tone of the Tv star. He walked to his dresser and pulled out a pair of flannel pajama pants, removing his khakis and putting them on delicately.  Then he threw on a grey T-shirt that read 'I'm so fabulous.' It was adorable.

Harry felt his heart drop as he looked at Louis' toned, muscular legs and his perfect ass. If he didn't know better, he would never suspect he had trouble eating. He looked so gorgeous and healthy.

"Sorry," Harry replied, smiling and yanking Louis onto the bed. Louis allowed Harry to grab him and fell onto the bed next to him, curling himself into a ball.

"It's okay. I'm joking. I just feel weird — I, honestly, Ive never ever told anyone that before," Louis admitted. "I feel better and worse at the same time."

Lou and harry were lying on their backs now, looking at the ceiling, which Louis had decorated with little sparkly stars. They were the kind for kids parties glow in the dark.

"Sometimes it's cathartic though," Harry said, rubbing Lou's shoulder. "When I told you all that stuff about my sexuality, I had never spoken it aloud before. It felt liberating."

Louis nodded but didn't say anything. His stomach was stinging with guilt from the chicken, and he craved something to take the edge off but knew he couldn't drink more. It was a daily dilemma.

"Yeah, but i don't feel so much free as I do trapped," he admitted, grabbing hold of Harry's hand.

"Well, it's never too late to ask for help," Harry said softly. "You can break the cycle."

Louis pressed Harry's hand against his, squeezing it lightly.

"I'm just... I'm just scared," he admitted.

"I know, love," Harry said, kissing Lou's head. His hair was all messed up now, the quiff out of place now and falling into his eyes.

"But everything worthwhile involves taking a risk. That's how I got to go out with you," Harry continued, nudging Louis with his nose. Louis giggled and grabbed Harry's face, kissing him tenderly.

"I know," he laughed. "If I haven't ruined it already...."

"Nonsense!" Harry said, sitting up and waving his arms dramatically. "I had An amazing time. I still am."

Louis nodded, but he didn't feel so sure. He felt bloated and disgusting and like he was taking up too much space, physically and emotionally, ruining the mood with all his issues. Harry didn't really want to be talking about his disordered eating, did he?

"Me too. I'll stop freaking out, harry. I will. Just, thank you for being so understanding and supportive," he said with a smile. Harry smiled back, wondering how Louis went from being so sassy and confident to so crumpled and broken in just a matter of hours. A simple piece of chicken had the power to do that to him.... it was disturbing.

"You're welcome. And we can stop talking about it if you want. But if you don't mind me asking, how did this start?" Harry asked, genuinely.

Lou shrugged. "Two years ago. I don't know. I was never fat but I drank a lot that year. I gained a bit of weight and I went on this fad diet with Liam. The difference was he got off it, I never did. I... just... it turned into an obsession," he replied quietly. It sounded so dumb when he said it.

Harry nodded, his green eyes staring intently at the ceiling. "Ah, i see," he said. "That happens to a lot of people. It's called an eating disorder."

Louis shrugged. "I Guess. But I'm fine physically," he said motioning to his body. He was quite muscular and fit, but that didn't mean he wasn't hurting his health.

"Well, yeah. But not everyone who is sick looks physically ill," Harry replied. "I... I don't know, Lou. I really never ever think about eating. But I've learned about eating disorders and all in Pynch class. They're dangerous. But people can recover from them. It just takes some therapy and self care."

Louis stared at Harry like he had just murdered his mother in front of him. "I don't need therapy, Harry," he said, almost laughing. "I do tons of counseling for Zete and I refer tons of students to therapy, and trust me I'm not like them.... I'm normal...."

Harry nodded, sensing that Louis was upset with him, as he had let go of his hand. "I used to go, back in Newcastle. I had a tough time adapting to uni," he said, quietly. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Yeah," Louis said, a bit embarrassed by his response. "Well I didn't mean it like that.... normal people go too... I'm just. I'm not a basket case, Harry. My problem sounds a lot worse than it is.... I'm really... I'm okay."

Harry nodded, his curls falling onto the comforter. "I know what you mean, it's okay. Yeah... but i don't trust you Lou. You do so much for others in the community, for Zete, for the theatre. What about you?"

Louis swallowed. "I guess I should make more time for myself. Part of the reason this has been going on so long is because every time I go to focus on eating normally, something comes up in my life, another event or responsibility, and I just push it down. 'I'll deal with it later,'" he disclosed.

"Yeah, maybe take it a bit easier. It is your senior year," Harry suggested, pulling Louis into a hug.

Louis nodded. "Yeah," he replied. "I suppose you're right. But what if I gain weight?"

Harry bit his lip, unsure what to say to that. He never really worried about gaining weight. He wasn't even sure how much he weighed himself. 170? 180? He didn't know...

"Well how much do you weigh?" He asked.

"155," Louis said, almost too quickly.

"Well, that's not much," Harry said, raising an eyebrow. "You are shorter than me, but still. You could stand to gain more... I don't know. Lou. You look great no matter what. Honestly. Gorgeous."

Louis arched his back, letting out a tiny yawn as he stretched.

"Thank you, Harry," he giggled. "But i dont like weighing too much more than this. I prefer to be a bit small."

"You'll always be small, Lou. I don't anticipate you growing to be my height anytime soon," Harry said with a laugh. He grabbed his tummy, pulling him into spoon position. "You'll always be little spoon."

"Haz, stop, Im bloated," Lou whined, pulling away. This was the very reason he had a strict 'no eating four hours before hooking up' rule.

"Louis, Tomlinson, your stomach is flat as a board right now, Mr," Harry retorted.

Louis shrugged and pulled his knees to his chest. "It's definitely not," he said. "I usually don't eat the whole day before a dance routine. You see me when I'm at my peak. It's deceitful."

Harry pulled Louis towards him, so they were looking into each other's eyes. "Louis, stop saying these things about yourself. You are so very in shape, even more so than me. And it's scaring me that you can't see it," he said, his voice cracking a bit.

Louis took a deep breath, sighing and shaking his head. "Harry, I just. I'm sorry if this isn't what you expected of me. I'm so different in public, but at home I'm a mess," he squeaked. He held back his tears, breathing shakily. He did not want to start crying again.

"We all are, babe," Harry said. "And i know it seems messy and unpleasant, but it's not. I really like you, Louis. All of you. I'm glad you're vulnerable with me. I'm vulnerable too. I struggle a lot with my sexuality and with my masculinity too — I don't know if I should cut my hair or not. My mum always made me so it just became a habit, but now I kind of want it long. Maybe I want to dress a bit more feminine? I don't know what I want and it scares me. We're all scared of something. But we're all beautiful and unique. And that's what makes us human."

Louis peered into Harry's blue eyes, nodding as he wrapped his hands around his neck. Harry gripped him into a hug and they just stayed there, taking in each other's presence, realizing that they were more similar than they could've ever imagined.