A trip home means lots of homemade food, bickering, and questions. He takes the girls to see Mark on Boxing Day. He doesn’t tell him and it almost feels like a betrayal, but he hasn’t told anyone but his mom, Zayn, Harry, and his doctor and there’s really no reason to until he’s fully showing. They’ll be angry, but right now, Louis just wants this to himself. People will judge him and want to put him on display once it’s widely known and he’s still reeling from Harry’s rejection that he can’t fathom being rejected by people he truly loves.
He loves his siblings, but now that he’s moved out there’s only so much he can take. His mom knows when he needs time alone, though, and takes the girls to a movie, leaving him with Ernest and Doris who are napping. He’s lying on the couch, watching shitty daytime TV and browsing the internet for paternity clothes. The options are incredibly bleak and he hates how feminized the choices that he does find are. He wonders how long he can wear his normal clothes, especially when he sees male bras. Tears slip to the corners of his eyes because he doesn’t want to have to buy those, but his chest already feels firmer and larger, his nipples are sensitive and he’s taken to wearing soft one hundred percent cotton vests under his jumpers so they don’t brush infuriatingly against his chest. He could probably get trousers with elastic bands in them and not make a huge fuss about that. His joggers fit fine, but his chinos are fitting a little more snuggly than he would’ve hoped at the beginning of his fourth month. His stomach is starting to feel squishy and it makes him uncomfortable wearing anything but joggers that have always fallen off his hips. He’s getting teary-eyed and he knows he’s being overdramatic. Maybe he should just take a little nap to clear his thoughts. Besides, nobody can tell that he’s pregnant, but, his pessimism creeps back, it’s only a matter of time before they will be able to guess just how much of an abomination he is.
His phone buzzes obnoxiously on the side table just as he’s drifting off. He presses random buttons until it stops. He tires to ignore it, but it’s exploding dramatically. Whoever is texting him really wants the attention and now it intrigues him. He props his hands on his chest and looks down at the screen.
From: Harry from Tesco
did you talk to liam?
i hope you’ve decided to give me a chance
liam said you seemed open to giving me a chance
did you talk to liam?
To: Harry from Tesco
yep
From: Harry from Tesco
i know it was shitty but i'm sorry
