oreo // lashton

half a heart.

 Only half a blue sky

Kinda there but not quite

I'm walking around with just one shoe

I'm half a heart without you

I'm half a man at best,

With half an arrow in my chest

I miss everything we do,

I'm half a heart without you

Half a Heart ~ One Direction

~

Luke's POV

I paced around the waiting area, just waiting for the doctor to come out of Ashton's room to tell us Ashton is fine. I don't even mind if he says I can't go inside, I just need some goddamn news. I need somebody tell me something. Just fucking anything!

I yanked on my hair, very frustrated with this fucking hospital.

"Luke, mate, calm down." Michael says, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Piss off!" I yelled, shrugging off Michael's hand. I watched Michael go over to Calum. Probably talking about how to calm me down.

"Luke, calm down. Please." Calum said. How the fuck do they expect me to stay calm in a situation like this?

"Of course, you side with your boyfriend." I said, quite annoyed with them. I should put one of them in the hospital and see how the other reacts.

"He's not my boyfriend." Calum said, blushing slightly.

"And I can confirm that." Michael chimed in.

"Right." I said, laughing slightly. They turned around, walking away from me. I watched Michael's hand slide into Calum's. I gasped slightly.

"I can sense the gay." I whispered under my breath, laughing and walking to my chair. I put my headphones in, blocking out everything and everyone else. I sighed, relaxing into my chair. 

I felt someone tap on my shoulder. I looked up to see Harry.

"What do you want?" I asked, sounding more annoyed than I really was. Wow. I'm being like a complete bitch. Whoops. 

"Doctor's here to talk to us." That was all he had to say to get me jumping out of my chair. 

"Is he awake?" I asked, hope obvious in my voice. Hope better be in everyone or I'll commit mass homicide.

"Not yet. We've diagnosed him with anorexia and bulimia. Each have been going on for a long period of time. I have not yet deciphered if he will be able to overcome these disorders,  since each are quite severe." The doctor replied.

"Fuck. Big words." Michael said. Nobody laughed. Unless you count Michael himself.

"Just will he wake up at all?" I asked, hopeful. I dreaded his response.

"I don't know."

~

I was going to be able to see Ashton tomorrow. Even if I wasn't going to get to look into his eyes, it was still good enough just to see him. 

But, I have to wait a day.

In the mean time, all the other boys are throwing some sleepover thing. I was a little reluctant to come, but Calum and Michael said it would help me forget. 

It's a little too hard to forget about Ashton.

"Luke! I'm glad you came!" Louis said when I knocked on the door. I'm not glad I came. I should be at the hospital in the waiting room. I should be waiting there until I can see Ashton.

"Okay." Was all I said. Shit. I normally say okay when I'm nervous or about to have a breakdown. Fuck.

I walked inside, planting myself onto the couch. I pulled out my phone, opening Twitter and checking out my feed. Hopefully I can be on my phone this whole night without them bothering me.

But I should've learned by now that I'm out of hope.

"Luke. You're being a boring piece of shit." Michael complained, poking my cheek multiple times. Then Calum joined in on that. Motherfucker.

"Thanks." I mumbled, not even glancing up from my phone. I sighed. This is going to be aggravating.

"Are you looking at porn or something on there? You're quite interested in that phone." Calum said. I just sighed again.

"I gotta go." I said, standing up and walking to the door. I didn't plan on staying anyway so I had no stuff with me.

"Where to?" Harry asked. I looked him dead in the eye. To be honest, I meant exactly what I said.

"Anywhere but here." I said, keeping direct eye contact. I turned around and rushed to the door. I made sure to slam it shut.

As soon as I closed the door, I could feel the tears run down my face.

~

I walked to the hospital. I don't care if I can't see him until tomorrow.  What if Ashton woke up while I was gone? All of his visitors are gone. He'd wake up all alone. What if that made him feel like no one gave a shit about him? 

I just had to get to him.

I walked up to the front desk. Do the people at the front desk even know if someone is getting better? I don't know! I don't fucking work at a hospital. Goddammit.

"Do you happen to know if there's any news on Ashton Irwin?" I asked, my voice cracking when I said his name.

"Sorry. There's been no recent news on Ashton Irwin besides what you already know." She answered, a look of sympathy in her eyes.

"Fuck." I whispered under my breath. I was about to walk away when she called me back.

"Yeah?" I said impatiently. I just wanted to sit in the chairs and cry. But I can't do that when she is bugging me, now can I?

"Go up and visit him." She said, smiling slightly at me. Is she serious?

"B-but I wasn't supposed to until tomorrow." I said. I probably just ruined my chances now. Shit.

"I see how heartbroken you are over him. I don't want you to end up in here, too." She said.

"Oh." Was all I could make out. Then I went up to Ashton's room.

~

It was a boring white room. But there was one beautiful thing that stood out in the room.

Ashton.

His hair was messy, his eyes were closed, and you could see how skinny he really was through the blanket. 

It broke my heart to see him like this.

I didn't want to be like just another person who stood by his bedside watching him. I wanted to do something special, even if he never knew I did it. I know what I'm going to do. It'll be just what I did in his room with him. 

I'm going to sing him Hold On Til May.

I started singing, my voice shaky from crying. I kept singing until I reached his part. I forced myself through his part, even though each word killed me even more. I have to stay strong. I have to.

I have to stay strong for Ashton.

I finished the song, wiping away the remaining tears from my eyes. I took some more time to look around the room. It looked like any other hospital.

There was one thing that caught my eye.

I saw a calendar, which said "June" in bright blue letters. I could feel the tears about to come back. I coughed, which was followed by tears. I sobbed. I was choking on sobs. I was an unattractive mess. I finally spoke, even thought I knew absolutely no one could hear me.

"It's passed May."

~