I'm holding the bad boy's boxers

Swagger anymore and you'll fall over

I walked through the doors and made my way to my locker, only to find Carly, one of the many Regina George impersonators, leaning against it making out with some faceless dude.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your work experience, but you're getting STD's on my locker," I said, my tone disinterested and bored.

Carly stopped, glared at me, and then resumed eating the poor guy's face.

"Look, Carly, I understand it takes a while for your brain to comprehend the words your ears hear, but I thought I'd warn you that cannibalism is, in fact, illegal in this country, so I suggest you stop eating the poor guy's face off."

At this Carly broke away again, confusion flashed across her face. It was clear she wished to say something clever in return, but she knew not how. So instead she sneered "you're just jealous because you are such an ugly bitch no one will ever kiss you like that."

"And for that" I replied, "I am glad, I do not condone cannibalism and most certainly would not wish to experience it first hand."

Not bothering to struggle for a witty reply, Carly simply turned to the guy, ignoring me.

"So Chad, like I was saying, if you need any help on your first day then I'm your girl."

"You're everyone's girl." I muttered under my breath, receiving a laugh from "Chad" who I still hadn't given even a glance towards. Carly, however, was not so amused, she instead stuck her boobs in the air and waddled away.

"Mate, like I said, you're getting your STD's on my locker, move."

"I'm hurt you don't recognise me." Complained the guy.

I looked up and was met with the face of my next-door neighbour.

"You!" I exclaimed.

"I know, I know, it's me."

I thought about his name and began to giggle.

"What?" He asked.

My giggle turned into full-blown laughter.

"What!?" He repeated.

"Chad?" I laughed "Chad!? Phahaha. Are you being serious?"

"What's wrong with the name Chad!?"

I just continued to laugh. "Go back to High School Musical." I said between snorts.

Chad simply scowled. "Chad's a rebellious name, badass like myself." He said

That sentence only served to increase my laughing fit. "What as in bad boy?" I snorted.

"Yeh, that's me, bad boy."

"Oh please, bad boys are dick lead tits who wear fake cow skin and rip their jeans. Get over yourself 'Mr Bad Boy', swagger anymore and you'll fall over."

And with that, I grabbed my books and walked away.

~•~

After my run-in with Badass school musical my morning dragged on. I had English first, a lesson I loathed, I mean don't get me wrong, I love reading and I love writing, but analysing the shit out of a book, no. If the text says "the cat sat on the mat." it means the cat sat on the effing mat. But nooooo, as soon as you get a degree in the English language, that sentence takes on a whole new meaning. You see the mat, is like a carpet, and carpets are often made of wool, and wool comes from a sheep, and sheep are herded by sheepdogs, and cats do not like dogs, therefore the author is trying to create tension.

English teachers everybody, putting more thought into the text, than the author that wrote it since someone squeezed a squid and discovered ink.

Anyway, where was I, oh yeh, English, pretty uneventful I guess. Of course, within 5 minutes of class starting, everyone knew about the new hot guy, and within 10 minutes everyone knew of our encounter at the lockers. Therefore within 15 minutes of the lesson rumours were flying and speculations being made. By the time the bell rang, I was unsure what tale the student body had crafted, to explain why me, aka the really hot bitchy one, and Chad, aka the basketball player from a school where everyone feels the need to sing, were talking before class. I got up wondering what tale they had created this time, and as I was leaving I'm pretty sure I heard one girl mention, Spain, a hot tub, and a love child.

Boy, do I love the rumour mill, it makes my life sound so much more exciting.

But anyway, really, in the long run, English was nothing, it was in History that the fun really began. I reached the classroom and slumped down in my chair, as usual, the teacher was never here on time and I knew it would be a good ten minutes before he arrived. I was planning on having a short nap, or something along those lines, and had just closed my eyes when someone cleared their throat right beside my ear. I opened my eyes and came face to face with a bleached blonde Barbie, who was glaring daggers into my skull.

"Do you have something on your chest?" I politely inquired after she cleared her throat a second time.

"I was clearing my throat to get your attention, not because I have a cough bitch." Said the tramp.

"Oh, I was referring to the silicone lumps you've padded your bra with. But if you have a cough I suggest your get that seen to."

Barbie the Bimbo clenched her jaw in anger, by this time half the class had gathered around my desk and were listening eagerly to our conversation.

"You're such a-"

"I'm sorry did you have a question, or did you simply wish to flaunt your padded bra and chest infection?" I asked, my tone unaffected and bored.

"I came to ask the question that everyone thinking, why was the new guy talking to an ugly bitch like you?"

"Pardon?" I asked, "could you please repeat that?"

"What? Are you deaf or something" she sneered.

"Possibly, I wouldn't be surprised if the fumes from the bleach in your hair are affecting my hearing. I mean look at the damage they did to you're brain."

At this, I'm pretty sure I heard someone mutter "Burn!" Under their breath, I smiled slightly knowing that the girl was slowly digging her own grave.

"What are you smiling at?" Spat Barbie. "You're an ugly tramp, I don't think that's much to be happy about."

At this, I stuck my bottom lip out in a mock pout and stared sadly at her.

"I'm so sorry," I said.

"What?" Replied the girl, clearly confused.

"I know how hard life is for the visually impaired," I said with fake pity.

This made half the people in the room burst out laughing. 

I think Barbie the Bimbo knew she'd lost this battle, as she stalked off to her seat where she remained for the remainder of the lesson. I tried to get some sleep but was again interrupted, this time though by the teacher entering, he droned on for a while boring the entire classroom. By the time the lesson finally ended I was contemplating suicide, saved only by the thought that we only had one lesson to go before lunch.

It was clear within a minute of entering the physics lab that on top of the gossip about me and Chad, there now existed that of my, mainly one-sided, spar off with Barbie the Bimbo, who I later found out to be called Britney, another one of Carly's minions.

Surprisingly though the lesson went relatively smoothly, admittedly every whisper in the class centred around yours truly.