The Girl With The Blue Hoodie

Prologue

© Copyright 2012 by C.A.B.

Author's Note: I'm sorry it's confusing so far. I promise it'll be much clearer in later chapters.

You're probably thinking, "Man..what a dark topic." I kinda wanted to touch this topic a little bit because I know there are people out there who feel like their future is hopeless and all these negative thoughts..sure, this piece of work won't get many reads or votes, but whatever. I just wanted to relate to the kids...or maybe even /adults/ who have struggled with self-harm, depression, or maybe with just feeling empty inside. 

I'm also sorry it sucks. I had like 10 minutes to write this.

Anyways, I hope you read it!

~Love always, C.

Prologue ~

I don't know. I don't know anymore.

My eerily quiet room was pitch-black. There were no audible noises available except for the sound of my heavy breathing.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

It's okay, Vi. You're gonna be okay. You. Are. Going. To. Be. Okay. Promise yourself on your mother's grave, promise yourself on Jarrod's favorite video game...even promise yourself on Lydia's false eyelashes for goodness sake!

No. Stop being ridiculous. That's what got you into this whole mama-jamma mess in the first place. Just promise yourself that you'll be fine, and then maybe, just maybe...you can go back to sleep.

No. Who am I fucking kidding?

I am not going to be okay. No matter what I do or say, this just can't be fixed.

None of it was supposed to end this way. Not like this. Anything but this.

"It's all your fault!" echos uncontrollably in my already throbbing head. I smudged my head into my pillow. Ugh. No matter what I do, the voices won't stop. They won't shut up. Don't they understand...I don't want them there. I never did, and I never do.

I should have just kept my big mouth shut. I didn't want him to leave. I definitely didn't want him to leave. How could I let one little, stupid argument get in between what we had? My best friend...the only one who understood me...the only one who didn't leave me when I didn't deserve anyone's time of day...the only one who...who...might have even loved me...despite all my flaws. He meant so much to me, too; the way his voice cracked when he was scared, the way he flipped his jet-black hair out of his face, the way his dimples protruded when he smiled that smile for me, the way he said my name with his gentle, yet firm voice, the way he made my heart twinge without even trying...the way he was everything I ever wanted. I almost smiled when I thought of all that...but then I remembered...

He's gone.

I can't take it anymore.

I hopped out of my messy bed, wrinkled blanket and all, and headed for my desk. My eyes flashed with a mixture of emotions; emotions I couldn't even comprehend: anger, sadness...guilt..?

Steel met skin, and then I grabbed the stained purple towel from the arm of my favorite chair; using it to attack my porcelain skin. My breathing got heavier and heavier within seconds; control yourself, Vi. Stop it. You promised him you'd stop. You promised.

But promises were meant to be broken.

And that's why he was gone.

I felt the pain wash over my already broken heart, my skin...everywhere. My whole body was crying out, "I give up...I give up." I clenched my hand in a rage and broke out into a sob.

Everything I love is becoming everything I lose.

My hand unclenched, and I heard a clatter as the razor landed on the floor with a ping.

And then I was surrounded with what I had left:

Sweat,

Tears,

My favorite blue hoodie,

And blood.

So much blood.