Some become strangers

Fall from Grace

Stevie's POV
I sit on the couch listening to everyone trying to get answers. I've been outed. I didn't know this 'surprise trip' was gonna turn into this. They all know that I'm sick now. My sickness has been my safety blanket.
"Stephanie why have you been doing this to yourself?"
My dad asks.
I don't respond but the doctor does.
"Some patients use their eating disorder as a way to control their life; when they're not able to control the outside world they 'control' their eating disorder but they don't realize usually until it's too late that the eating disorder has controlled them,"
They all listen intently nodding along  looking at the doctor then at me, like I'm some teddy bear, or some dying puppy.
"I need you to try and get better baby, it's killing me seeing you like this"
My mother adds in.
I don't respond.
"Well Christine and I both agree that this tour can be postponed while Stevie's in treatment, we'll talk to the band and we know they'll agree. we want her to be inpatient for a couple of weeks, or however long it takes" Lindsey tells my mom.
"Well she can stay with us after she gets out of the hospital, at least for a little while. Or once the tour is finished she can rest here"
My dad adds in his idea.
"Once Stephanie gets to an acceptable weight she can be discharged from the hospital and I do recommend she stays in a safe non-stressful environment until she feels ready"
The doctor, Mr. Smith, says.
"Well, how long will it take her to gain weight back?"
"Well that's all up to her Ms. Nicks, if she refuses to eat she will need to be tube fed, depending on what her weight is, which seems very underweight, is customized for each patient on how long they must stay"
"So when can we get her admitted?"
Lindsey asks.
"Well once she gets back to Los Angeles I can personally give her a check up and transfer her to a hospital that fits her needs,"
"Great!"
My father exclaims, they all nod.
Does no one see me? I don't agree to any of this!
"I am NOT a child! It is my choice as to whether I will go to some podunk hospital or not! And I say no! I am fine
I'm not damaged goods, okay?!"
I'm standing at my full height which is pretty much nothing but they all look at me with fear.
"Stevie please calm down, we're all just trying to help you, we all love you"
Lindsey tries to pull me into a hug but I push him away.
"I'm an adult, I can handle myself, I truly don't appreciate you all ganging up on me, so you two can go back to wherever you came from"
I point to Mr. Smith and Christine
" and you I can't believe you would go behind my back and tell my parents things like this. I mean look what you've done! Do you see how they look at me?!"
I push at Lindsey's chest.
"Teedee, he's not the monster here... your own mind is sweetie"
My mother joins us by standing up.
With that I leave them and run up to my room locking myself away. I can't take this right now, or ever. I have much more comfort just proceeding the way I am. Sure, I never look forward to anything anymore but knowing that I have a special little secret comforts me. It's something I can handle and take care of. Its like my friend, whenever I'm going through a rough patch my eating disorder comforts me... in a way. I guess it just gives me something to put all my energy into.

Lindsey's POV
Christine and Dr. Smith are flying back to Los Angeles and I can't help but feel like I've failed, once again. I just wanted to help her. We all did. I make my way up the stairs and of course Stevie's door is locked
"Steph, I don't know if you're listening. For all I know I'm having a conversation with just the door, but if you hear me please listen.
I love you, I love you so much it hurts. Love at first sight with the 16 year old girl who was unafraid to start singing with me at some church get together. If I could go back in time to uh... when we broke up, I would have sat at your feet and begged you to stay with me if I knew we'd be in this situation just a couple of years later. I wish with all my heart I could take this pain away from you, you deserve so much, I wish I could give you my whole world because each morning when I wake up and see you laying in my arms I'm the happiest and luckiest man in the world. Steph, I'm begging you to fight for your life here, if you open this door I will lay at your feet begging. We need this time, those years wasted when we were broken up was the worst time of my life. Please I need to be able to make up those years, I can't do that if each day I see less and less of you. Even if you don't love me as much as I love you, please do this for yourself"
By now buckets of tears are leaving my eyes
"I'll do anything I have to, to help you get better, I'll visit you every day while you're in treatment, Stevie I'll quit Fleetwood Mac, anything"
The door slowly opens, she's standing and I look up into her red eyes.
" Lindsey I don't know if I'm strong enough"
"You're the strongest woman I know"
I lead her to the bed and we both sit knee to knee.
"I'm going to get fat"
" you've never been fat and even if you were you should know I'm in love with you, not the amount of body fat you have"
"Everyone is gonna think I'm so weak"
I pull her to my chest
"Stevie if you go to treatment they're gonna know that you're trying to save your life, the hardest thing a person could do. You're not weak"
"I'll go..." she says hesitantly