Death Note Ask or Dare/ WTF!?

A Hell of a Time...

-In an interrogation room at the PSSC... (Processing Sector Security Center)-

Officer Chester: Listen, young lady, nothing bad needs to happen. I just need to know why you're here with these people.

Misa: There has to be a mistake! We were just on our way to the... ABC, or whatever, when my boyfriend, Light-- Uh, Matsuda, got badly burned. All we wanted was to get him help, but then you roped us in with those psychos!

Chester: Calm down. I know you're innocent. This is just the routine! I want you to think of me as your buddy, Chester. Okay? I'm just silly 'ole Chester, questioning you 'cause I have have to.

Misa: I mean, you know I'd love to, but it doesn't help that your name rhymes with molester...

Chester: Oh, C'mon! That is a very sketchy rhyme, I'll have you know, and I've been fighting it all my life!

Misa: I mean, what were your parents thinking...?

Chester: I don't know! *sobs* Do you know how many potential girlfriends I've lost!?

-Behind the glass-

Chief Hankler: Damn it... We shouldn't have let Chester take this one. He can't help but open up, and it didn't help that she mentioned his name...

Officer Allister: Someone needed to hold that man more as a baby, sir.

Chief Hankler: Agreed. Someone get him out of there! Anyway... What do you make of this, Hannah? We've got six people showing up causing trouble at the same time. They all used names from a "most common full names" list online, and when we checked the real names we found off documentation in their personal effects, it turns out three of them are categorized as residents of "The In-between". We've never even seen one down here! What do we know so far?

Officer Allister: We've interrogated all of them except for one man, Touta Matsuda, who fainted shortly after being apprehended. He is receiving medical attention for a severe burn on his lower thigh. One of the detainees, Mihael Keehl, was speaking to one of the attendants before they made a run for it. They were looking for a "Mail Jeevas".

Chief Hankler: And what do we know about this Mail?

Officer Allister: He's a resident of DS2, a recent death. He's being called in for questioning, sir.

Chief Hankler: Good. Now, let's see what we can get out of these people...

-Meanwhile, in a holding cell...-

L: I'll admit, it feels odd being on the receiving end of all this detective work.

Light: It isn't fun, huh?

L: Well, one of us is a mass murderer.

Light: You guys really love pointing that out, huh?

Near: You know, there's a lot of things we could point out. The fact that we only do so in the case of "former mass murderer" seems pretty nice to me. For one things, your eyes are red.

Light: That isn't my fault! The condition was forced upon me. Besides, I'm plotting a way out of this jail cell! Be thankful.

Mello: This is terrible! Now, we'll never get Matt out! Where the hell is Meredith!? No pun intended... Okay I lied, that was totally intended.

L: At least we managed to convince them of your gender without making you take off your pants.

Near: Does anyone else remember why we're doing this? To prove that Mello is gay.

Mello: Isn't gay.

Near: Same difference. And all the affectionate fretting certainly isn't helping your case.