MY FATE FOR YOURS

Chapter 15- EAMON

Eamon

I can sit here and watch her across the campfire all night. I can drink beer after beer. I can make jokes with the guys. I can pretend that nothing happened, and that Rachel didn't make me feel things I never planned on feeling. I can tell myself that it was just like the time we almost did it when we were kids. That it was just to get it done, out of our systems.

Or, I could get up and do something about it.

I can jump from moving train cars.

I can take on a goddamned alligator.

But I can't get off of my ass and walk to the other side of this fire pit and kiss her in front of these people and tell her that she scares me more than any other fucking dare or stunt.

I'm nothing but a coward.

This weekend has gone by too damn fast, and I'm not ready to give this girl up, but I've got to. Because I'm reckless enough with myself, I can't be that selfish with someone I care about, too.  Rach was right. A weekend to give us a taste of each other so that we'd be able to move on is all we needed. I've just got to figure out a way to actually do that now.

"Hey, you alright?" Rachel says. I hadn't even seen her get up, now she's kneeling down next to me. Her hair is pulled back away from her face, she's wearing a sweatshirt and running shorts. She hasn't ever been more beautiful to me than right this minute.

"I'm fine, just sorting through some stuff," I say. I glance around the fire to see if anyone is watching us, but they're all listening to Nelson tell some story about  how he's going to write a letter to try to get shuffleboard bowling to become an Olympic sport or some shit.

"Like...?" she purses her lips. She wants me to say it. She wants me to say I don't know what to do about us, how I can't make any sense of anything now that I've felt her in my bones.

"Like what I'm gonna do about work. The old man wants to retire, don't know if it's the place for me long term, though," I say.

Rachel blows out a frustrated breath. I'm hurting her, I know it. But it's better now than a big blow out in the long run. When I can't keep my eyes off a pretty young waitress, or I show up late too many times and leave her stranded. I'm a selfish prick, those things will happen. Rachel's too damn good for me, and it's better we keep things the way we planned. One weekend. One damn good weekend that no other woman will ever be able to hold a candle to.

"Right, work. Well, Eamon, only you can decide what it is that you actually want." She stares at me for a few beats and I hope she can see in my eyes that I'm sorry. "I'm going to get a beer."